CHAPTER XIV.

_QUACKS AND IMPOSTORS._ Quacks have been in existence so long, have received so much of the confidence of the people, and have afforded such capital to satirists and humourists, that they have become almost a necessity of our existence, from a literary as well as from a domestic point of view. They also add considerably to the revenue, if only through the impost upon patent medicines; for though many may be astonished and horrified to hear it, all patent medicines--_i.e._, all medicines which bear the inland-revenue stamp--are of necessity quack, and although many partisans may endeavour to prove that in the particular case each may select, this is not so, the qualification must fairly be applied, if applied to anything, to all medicines which are supposed to specifically remedy various diseases in various systems, no matter what the peculiarities of either. It can hardly matter whether the inventor of the general remedy be learned doctor or impudent charlatan, the medicine, as soon as ever it assumes specific powers, and is to be administered by or to anybody, is quack, not only in the proper acceptation of the term, but in its original signification. Quacks are, with a few notable exceptions, a very different body now from what they were in the last century, when they killed more than they cured, and when drugs were compounded with a recklessness which seems quite impossible in these moderate days. Just and proper legislation has clipped the wings of the vile impostors who used to trade upon the weaknesses of human nature, and with the exception of those pestiferous practitioners whose advertisements are as noxious as their prescriptions, and who find the fittest possible media for publication, quacks are no longer in existence except as purveyors of patent medicines, pills, ointment, and plasters; and so if there is no cure there is also no kill. Formerly the quack prescribed and compounded, and then he was indeed dangerous, and we cannot better prove this than by means of a remark in the _Gentleman’s Magazine_ of July 1734 about Joshua Ward, an advertisement in reference to whom is to be found in the historical part of this book. The paragraph in the old magazine runs: “There was an extraordinary advertisement in the newspapers this month concerning the great cures in all distempers performed with one medicine, a pill or drop, by Joshua Ward, Esq., lately arrived from Paris, where he had done the like cures. ’Twas said our physicians, particularly Sir Hans Sloane, had found out his secret, but ’twas judged so violent a prescription, that it would be deemed malepractice to apply it as a dose to old and young and in all cases.” And again, in the Obituary in the same periodical for 1736, there is an advertisement bearing on this so-called remedy rather unfavourably. It runs thus:-- _Vesey Hart_, Esq. of _Lincoln’s Inn_. About 15 Months ago he took the celebrated Pill, which had at first such violent effects as to throw him into Convulsions and deprive him of his Sight. On recovery he fell into Consumption. Joshua Ward was rather a celebrity about that time, even among quacks, as the following lines from the _Gentleman’s Magazine_ of July 1734 will show. The heading is-- UNIV. SPEC. ON WARD’S _Drops_. _EGregious Ward_, you boast with success sure, That your _one drop_ can _all_ distempers cure: When it in _S----n cures_ ambition’s _pain_ Or ends the _Megrims_ of Sir _James’_ brain, Of _wounded conscience_ when it _heals_ the _smart_, And on _reflexion_ glads the statesman’s heart; When it to women palls old _M--ar--’s gust_, And _cools_ ’fore death the _fever_ of his _lust_; When _F----d_ it can give of _wit_ a _taste_, Make _Harriot_ pious or _lorima_ chaste; Make scribbling _B--dg-- deviate_ into _sense_, Or give to _Pope_ more wit and excellence; Then will I think that your ONE DROP will save _Ten thousand_ dying patients from the _grave_. In the _Daily Advertiser_ of June 10, 1736, there is a puff advertisement for Ward, which runs:-- We hear that by the Queen’s appointment, Joshua Ward, Esq; and eight or ten persons, who in extraordinary Cases have receiv’d great benefit by taking his remedies, attended at the Court at Kensington on monday night last, and his patients were examin’d before her Majesty by three eminent surgeons, several persons of quality being present, when her Majesty was graciously pleas’d to order money to be distributed amongst the patients, and congratulated Mr Ward on his great success. In the _Grub Street Journal_ of June 24 of the same year is an article on the paragraph, in which it is stated that only seven persons attended at the palace, and that these were proved to be impostors who were in collusion with Ward. The _Journal_ is very strong against the quack, and the article concludes with the following lines, which are in fact a summary of what has been said in the criticism upon Ward’s fresh attempt to gull the public:-- _Seven wonderful Cures._ One felt his sharp rheumatic pains no more: A Second saw much better than before: Three cur’d of stone, a dire disease much sadder, Who still, ’tis thought, have each a stone in bladder: A Sixth brought gravel bottled up and cork’d, Which _Drop and Pill_, he say’d, by urine work’d; But Questions, ask’d the Patient, all unravell’d; Much more than whom the Doctor then was gravell’d. The last a little Woman but great glutton, Who at one meal eat two raw legs of mutton: Nor wonder, since within her stomach lay A Wolf, that gap’d for victuals night and day: But when he smelt the Pill, he strait for shelter Run slap into her belly helter skelter. There is no necessity to take trouble for the purpose of discovering the origin of quacks. It is evident that they “came natural” as soon as ever there was a chance for them, and it is but right to suppose that before quackery became a question of money-making, it had an existence, the outcome of a love people have innately for prescribing and administering to each other, relics of which may still be seen in out-of-the-way parts of the country. Some people imagine that quackery and the belief, still current in various parts of Great Britain, that a seventh son, particularly if the son of a seventh son, possesses medical powers, had originally something to do with each other. That quackery in general was caused by this quaint conceit is not to be supposed, yet the belief in the seventh-son doctrine is well worthy of note. The vulgar mind seems from the earliest ages to have been impressed by the number seven, and there are various ways of accounting for this. Chambers, in his “Book of Days,” says that it is easy to see in what way the Mosaic narrative gave sanctity to this number in connection with the days of the week, and led to usages which influence the social life of all the countries of Europe. “But a sort of mystical goodness or power has attached itself to the number in many other ways. Seven wise men, seven champions of Christendom, seven sleepers, seven-league boots, seven ages of man, seven hills, seven senses, seven planets, seven metals, seven sisters, seven stars, seven wonders of the world--all have had their day of favour; albeit that the number has been awkwardly interfered with by modern discoveries concerning metals, planets, stars, and wonders of the world. Added to the above list is the group of seven sons, especially in relation to the youngest or seventh of the seven; and more especially still if this person happen to be the seventh son of a seventh son. It is now perhaps impossible to discover in what country, or at what time, the notion originated, but a notion there certainly is, chiefly in provincial districts, that a seventh son has something peculiar about him. For the most part, the imputed peculiarity is a healing power, a faculty of curing diseases by the touch, or by some other means. The instances of this belief are numerous enough. There is a rare pamphlet called ‘The Quack Doctor’s Speech,’ published in the time of Charles II. The reckless Earl of Rochester delivered this speech on one occasion, when dressed in character, and mounted on a stage as a charlatan. The speech, amid much that suited that licentious age, but would be frowned down by modern society, contained an enumeration of the doctor’s wonderful qualities, among which was that of being a ‘seventh son of a seventh son,’ and therefore clever as a curer of bodily ills. The matter is only mentioned as affording a sort of proof of the existence of a sort of popular belief. In Cornwall, the peasants and the miners entertain this notion; they believe that a seventh son can cure the king’s evil by the touch. The mode of proceeding usually is to stroke the part affected thrice gently, to blow upon it thrice, to repeat a form of words, and to give a perforated coin, or some other object, to be worn as an amulet. At Bristol, about forty years ago, there was a man who was always called ‘doctor’ simply because he was the seventh son of a seventh son. The family of the Joneses of Muddfi, in Wales, is said to have presented seven sons to each of many successive generations, of whom the seventh son always became a doctor--apparently from a conviction that he had an inherited qualification to start with. In Ireland, the seventh son of a seventh son is believed to possess prophetical as well as healing power. A few years ago a Dublin shopkeeper finding his errand-boy to be generally very dilatory in his duties, inquired into the cause, and found that the boy, being the seventh son of a seventh son, his services were often in requisition among the poorer neighbours, in a way that brought in a good many pieces of silver. Early in the present century there was a man in Hampshire, the seventh son of a seventh son, who was consulted by the villagers as a doctor, and who carried about with him a collection of crutches and sticks, purporting to have once belonged to persons whom he had cured of lameness. Cases are not wanting, also, in which the seventh daughter is placed upon a similar pinnacle of greatness. In Scotland the spaewife or fortune-teller frequently announces herself as the seventh daughter of a seventh daughter, to enhance her claims to prophetic power. Even so late as 1851, an inscription was seen on a window in Plymouth, denoting that a certain doctress was the third seventh daughter!--which the world was probably intended to interpret as the seventh daughter of the seventh daughter of a seventh daughter. . . . . France, as well as our own country, has a belief in the seventh-son mystery. The _Journal de Loiret_, a French provincial newspaper, in 1854 stated that, in Orleans, if a family has seven sons and no daughter, the seventh is called a _Marcou_, is branded with a fleur-de-lis, and is believed to possess the power of curing the king’s evil. The Marcou breathes on the part affected, or else the patient touches the Marcou’s fleur-de-lis. In the year above named there was a famous Marcou in Orleans named Foulon; he was a cooper by trade, and was known as ‘le beau Marcou.’ Simple peasants used to come to visit him from many leagues in all directions, particularly in Passion-week, when his ministrations were believed to be most efficacious. On the night of Good Friday, from midnight to sunrise, the chance of cure was supposed to be especially good, and on this account four or five hundred persons would assemble. Great disturbances hence arose; and as there was evidence, to all except the silly dupes themselves, that Foulon made use of their superstition to enrich himself, the police succeeded, but not without much opposition, in preventing these assemblages. In some of the states of Germany there used formerly to be a custom for the reigning prince to stand sponsor to a seventh son (no daughter intervening) of any of his subjects. Whether still acted upon is doubtful; but there was an incident lately which bore on the old custom in a curious way. A West-Hartlepool newspaper stated that Mr J. V. Curths, a German, residing in that busy colliery town, became, towards the close of 1857, the father of one of those prodigies--a seventh son. Probably he himself was a Saxe-Gothan by birth; at any rate he wrote to the Prince Consort, reminding him of the old German custom, and soliciting the honour of his Royal Highness’s sponsorship to the child. The Prince was doubtless a little puzzled by this appeal, as he often must have been by the strange appeals made to him. Nevertheless, a reply was sent in the Prince’s name, very complimentary to his countryman, and enclosing a substantial souvenir for the little child; but the newspaper paragraph is not sufficiently clear for us to be certain whether the sponsorship really was assented to, and, if so, how it was performed.” It is not at all likely, proud as the late Prince was of his countrymen, and of Germans generally, that he took upon himself the pains and penalties of sponsorship to this miraculous infant, whose father was doubtless well satisfied with the douceur he received, and never expected even that. Saffold was an early humbug who depended mainly upon doggerel rhyme for attraction. It is to be hoped that his wares were better than his numbers, or else the deaths of many must have lain heavy on his soul. One of his bills, enumerating his address and claims upon the attention of the public, informs us that of him _The Sick may have Advice for Nothing,_ And good Medicines cheap, if so they please For to cure any curable Disease. It’s _Saffold’s_ Pills, much better than the Rest, Deservedly have gained the Name of best In curing by the Cause, quite purging out Of Scurvy, Dropsie, Agues, Stone and Gout. The Head, Stomach, Belly and the Reins, they Will cleanse and cure, while you may work or play. His Pills have often, to their Maker’s Praise, Cur’d in all Weathers, yea, in the Dog-Days. In short, no purging Med’cine is made, can Cure more Diseases in Man or Woman, Than his cheap Pills, but three Shillings the Box. Each Box contains Thirty-six Pills I’m sure. As good as e’er were made Scurvy to cure. The half Box eighteen Pills, for eighteen Pence, Tho’ ’t is too cheap, in any Man’s own Sense. At the foot of the bill, after a lot of puffery, he breaks out into rhyme once more:-- Some envious Men being griev’d may say, What needs Bills thus still be given away? Answer: New People come to London every Day. Believing Solomon’s Advice is right, I will do what I do with all my might. Also, unless an English Proverb lies Practice brings Experience and makes wise. Experimental Knowledge, I protest, In lawful Arts and Science is the best, Instead of _Finis_ Saffold ends with Rest. Another of his bills, which were various and plentiful, began thus:-- Dear Friends, let your Disease be what God will, Pray to Him for a Cure, try Saffold’s Skill; Who may be such a healing Instrument, As will cure you to your own Heart’s Content. His Medicines are cheap and truly good. Being full as safe as your daily Food-- Saffold he can do what may be done, by Either Physick or true Astrology. His best Pills, rare Elixir and Powder, Do each Day praise him louder and louder. Dear Countrymen, I pray be you so wise When Men backbite him, believe not their Lies, But go, see him, and believe your own Eyes. Then he will say you are honest and kind. Try before you judge and speak as you find. At another time the muse informs us, among other things in connection with the great Saffold, that He knows some who are Knaves in Grain, And have more Gall and Spleen than Brain, Will ill reward his Skill and Pain. He hath practised Astrology above 15 Years, and hath License to practise Physick, and he thanks God for it, hath great Experience and wonderful Success in both those Arts, giving to doubtful People and by God’s Blessing, cureth the Sick of any Age or Sex or Distemper though given over by Others, and never so bad (if curable); therefore let none despair of a Cure, but try him. Yet some conceited Fools will ask how he came to be able to do such great Cures, and to foretell such strange Things, and to know how to make such rare and powerful Medicines, as his best _Pills_, _Elixir_ and _Diet Drinks_ are, and wherefore he doth publish the same in Print? But he will answer such dark Animals thus: It hath so pleased God, the King of Heaven, Being He to him hath Knowledge given, And in him there can be no greater Sin, Than to hide his Talent in a Napkin. His Candle is Light and he will not under A Bushel put it, let the World wonder: Though he be traduced by such like Tools, As have Knaves’ Hearts, Lackbrains are Fools. ☞ ^I request a favourable Construction upon this Publick way of Practice^ (^And^ _as I am a Graduate Physician_) _should wholly omit to appear in Print, as well in this Disease as I have at all Times in all other Diseases, only in Opposition to the Ignorant, that pretend to Cure, and to prevent the ruine of them that suffer and I see daily throw themselves upon ignorant and outlandish Pretenders and others, to the Patient’s utter ruine of Body and Purse_. AND _upon this Consideration alone, I was persuaded rather to adventure the censure of_ some, than conceal that which may be of great use to many. One other specimen of this artist’s verse and we will let him follow his predecessors. It may be as well to mention that when Saffold left the scene of his labours, “his mantle” was supposed to fall on one John Case, who followed in his footsteps so closely that the lines which had done for one quack were often made to do for the other. Saffold resolves, as in his Bills exprest, When asked in good Earnest, not in Jest; He can cure when God Almighty pleases, But cannot protect against Diseases. If Men will live intemperate and sin, He cannot help ’t if they be sick agen. This great Truth unto the World he will tell None can cure sooner, who cures half so well. Dr John Case was a contemporary of Dr Radcliffe, and a noted quack who united the professions of an astrologer and a physician. He took the house in which Lilly had resided, and over his door was a vile distich which was said to have brought him more money than Dryden earned by all his works. Upon his pill-boxes he placed the following curious rhyme:-- Here’s 14 Pills for 3 Pence Enough is every Man’s own Con-sci-ence. It is almost impossible to find out when quacks were not, and as we have before remarked, as long as there have been advertisements, whether in newspapers or elsewhere, these cunning rogues have been fully awake to their advantages and uses. One effusion, published as a handbill in the time of William and Mary, is noticeable, as, though the advertisers call themselves physicians, there is reason to doubt their right to the title, and to believe that the college was anything but what we now understand by the word. The bill proclaims itself as an ADVERTISEMENT. The Physitians of the Colledge, that us’d to consult twice a Week for the benefit of the Sick at the Consultation House, at the Carved Angel and Crown in King-street, near Guildhall, meet now four times a Week; and therefore give Publick Notice, that on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, from two in the afternoon till six, they may be advised by the known Poor, and meaner Families for nothing; and that their Expectations and Demands from the middle Rank shall be moderate: but as for the Rich and Noble, Liberality is inseparable from their Quality and Breeding. This is, to say the least, peculiar, the quaint use of the word “advised” seeming very strange, while the wind-up shows that whoever and whatever the physicians may have been, they were not likely to lose sight of the main chance. But their notice is feeble compared with another handbill of the same period, which is of the most dogmatic order, and is called _A friendly and seasonable Advertisement concerning the Dog-days, by_ Nath. Merry, Philo-Chim. In regard that there are many that perish in and about this City, &c. through an evil custom, arising from a false opinion That it is not safe to take Physick in the Extreams of Heat and Cold or in the Dog days; and some exclude old People, Women with Child and little Children, from the use of Medicine; which is as much as to say, That God hath ordained no Medicine for such Times and such Ages, which would be absurd to imagine, seeing we know there is no Time, Age nor Disease exempted from proper homogenial and effectual Means (with God’s Blessing) only against Death there is no Medicine, the Time of which to us is uncertain. From the aforesaid Mistakes many labour under the tyranny of their Diseases, till the Catastrophe end in Death (before the Time come which they have alotted for their Cure) which might by timely and suitable Remedies be prevented. It’s granted _pro confesso_ that there is a sort of _Dogmatical Medicines_, that is unfit to be exhibited in those Times, and are not innocent at any Time, being impregnated with venomenous Beams, which by their virulent Hostility invade the vital Œconomy of the Body. But you may have Archeal or Vital medicines, truly adapted for all Times; being divested of their Crudities and heterogene Qualities, by a true Separation of the pure from the impure, and impregnated with Beams of Light, which give their Influences and refreshing Glances upon the vital Faculties, expels Venoms, alters Ferments, co-unites with Nature and re-unites its powers to their due Œconomy, and such Medicines being most natural and most powerful in the most deplorable Diseases being timely taken are most effectual, and are no more to be omitted at any time than foods, and are altogether as safe. And so on at length, until Nath. Merry divulges the secret that he is the man for the dog-days, and that all others are impostors, which in common with many remarks of the kind, found in most advertisements of the same and other times issued by pretended curers of all known and many unknown disorders, lead us to the belief that however willing quacks have always been to impose upon the credulous themselves, they have been careful enough to expose the presumption of their rivals: a merciful dispensation of providence, which has enabled the statements of one rogue to be balanced, and to a certain extent neutralised, by those of another, and so the remedy is found in the disease when at its worst. Had it not been for the attacks made by empirics upon each other throughout the last century, qualified medical men would have stood a very bad chance, and as it is they seem to have often been obliged to join the ranks of the rascals from sheer inability to get a living without pandering to the popular taste for infallible remedies and things generally unknown to the pharmacopœia. Here is the commencement of an appeal made just prior to the year 1700 by one quack, which consists in a warning against all others of the same profession, and which shows how anxious the writer is for the public benefit, except where his own is immediately concerned:-- A CAUTION TO THE UNWARY. ’Tis generally acknowledged throughout all Europe, that no Nation has been so fortunate in producing such eminent Physicians, as this Kingdom of ours; and ’tis as obvious to every Eye, that no Country was ever pestered with so many ignorant Quacks or Empirics. The Enthusiast in Divinity having no sooner acted his Part, and had his _Exit_, but on the same Stage, from his Shop (or some worse Place) enters the Enthusiast in Physicks: yesterday a Taylor, Heelmaker, Barber, Serving Man, Rope Dancer, etc., to-day _per saltum_ a learned Doctor, able to instruct Esculapius himself, for he never obliged Mankind yet with a _Panacæa_, an universal Pill or Powder that could cure all Diseases, which now every Post can direct you to, though it proves only the Hangman’s Remedy for all Diseases by Death. _Pudet hæc opprobria dici_; for shame, my dear Countrymen, reassume your Reasons, and expose not your Bodies and Purses to the handling of such illiterate Fellows, who never had the Education of a Grammar-School, much less of an University. Nor be ye so irrational as to imagine anything extraordinary (unless it be Ignorance) in a Pair of outlandish Whiskers, tho’ he’s so impudent to tell you he has been Physician to 3 Emperours and 9 Kings when in his own Country he durst not give Physick to a Cobbler. Nor be gulled with another sort of Impostor, who allures you to him with CURE WITHOUT MONEY, but when he once has got you into his Clutches, he handles you as unmercifully as he does unskilfully. Nor be ye imposed on by the Pretence of any _Herculean_ Medicine, that shall with four Doses at 5s. a Dose, cure the most inveterate Complaint, and Distempers not to be eradicated (in the Opinion of the most learned in all Ages) with less than a Renovation of all the Humours in the whole Body. These and the like Abuses (too numerous here to be mentioned) have induced me to continue this public Way of Information, that you may be honestly dealt with, and perfectly cured, repairing to him, who with God’s Blessing on his Studies and 20 Years successful Practice in this City of London hath attained to the easiest and speediest way of curing. Then follows the puff which this disinterested person gives to his own wares and powers, and if it is to be believed, he certainly proves to demonstration that he is as good as the others are bad. The next item we have is a bill of the early eighteenth century, headed by a rude woodcut of a unicorn’s horn. There is no address on it, and it looks as though used while travelling round the country, in which case the High-German’s lodging for the time being would be written or printed on the back, or supplemented in one of the ways usual among itinerant charlatans:-- _The High-German, Master of the Waxwork,_ Hath an Unicorn’s Horn that was found in the Deserts of Arabia, the Powder whereof does several wonderful Cures, whereof I was advised by several Doctors to Publish the same in Print; the Cures that it has done are as follow: I have in my Travels, by the Virtues of this Powder, saved the Lives of several Gentlewomen in Child-Bed, which could not be Delivered before they took the Powder. About October the Fifth, 1702, I was in the Town of Hampton, in the County of Gloucester, at Mr Gardners, at the Sign of the White-Hart, where I heard that one Mrs Webb was in Child-Bed and could not be Delivered, so that Doctor Farr of the said Town, the Midwife and all Women left her off for Dead, upon which I sent my Landlady with a little of this Powder, the Quantity whereof would lie upon a Six-pence, which the Gentlewoman took, and was Delivered in less than a Quarter of an Hour; Doctor Farr has given it under his Hand, and some other Gentlemen of the Town can testify, that this Powder was the saving of her Life (under God). Likewise this Powder is a certain Cure for the Kings-Evil, when it breaks and runs: The Powder must be put on a Linnen Cloath and applied to the Place, and take as much as will lie on a Six-pence for two Mornings in warm Ale. The College of Physitians in London, hearing of this Powder, they came to my Lodging, on purpose to see this Horn, and desired me to let them have some Experience to try if it would Expel Poyson, upon which they sent for two Dogs and Poysoned them both, and asked me if I could save one of them, whereupon I took a little Powder of this Horn in a Spoonful of Milk, and gave it to one of them, that which I gave it to was saved, and the other died in their Presence, after which the Doctors offered me a great Sum of Money for this Horn, which I was not willing to part with. If there are any Gentlewomen desirous to Buy any of this Powder, I Sell it at Reasonable Rates, and it may be kept Ten Years and not lose its Virtue. FINIS. In Queen Anne’s time, and during the first years of the Hanoverian succession, quackery does not seem to have impaired its professors’ positions in society, providing they had other claims to consideration, and even the most impudent impostors obtained rank and celebrity under circumstances which hardly seem possible. Listen to the following: “Sir William Read, originally a tailor or a cobbler, became progressively a mountebank and a quack doctor, and gained, in his case, the equivocal honour of knighthood from Queen Anne. He is said to have practised by ‘the light of nature:’ and though he could not read, he could ride in his own chariot, and treat his company with good punch out of a golden bowl. He had an uncommon share of impudence; a few scraps of Latin in his bills made the ignorant suppose him to be wonderfully learned. He did not seek his reputation in small places, but practised at that high seat of learning, Oxford; and in one of his addresses he called upon the Vice-Chancellor, University, and the City, to vouch for his cures--as, indeed, he did upon the people of the three kingdoms. Blindness vanished before him, and he even deigned to practise in other distempers; but he defied all competition as an oculist. Queen Anne and George I. honoured Read with the care of their eyes; from which one would have thought the rulers, like the ruled, as dark intellectually as Taylor’s (his brother quack) coach-horses were corporeally, of which it was said five were blind in consequence of their master having exercised his skill upon them.” Dr Radcliffe mentions this humbug as “Read the mountebank, who has assurance enough to come to our table up-stairs at Garraway’s, swears he’ll stake his coach and six horses, his two blacks, and as many silver trumpets, against a dinner at Pontack’s.” Read died at Rochester, May 24, 1715. After Queen Anne had knighted him and Dr Hannes, the following lines were published:-- The Queen, like Heav’n, shines equally on all, Her favours now without distinction fall: Great Read and slender Hannes, both knighted, show That none their honours shall to merit owe. That Popish doctrine is exploded quite, Or Ralph had been no duke and Read no knight. That none may virtue or their learning plead, This has no grace and that can hardly read. The Ralph referred to here is the first Duke of Montague, a title that has already appeared conspicuously in these pages. In the matter of the bestowal of titles, especially knighthoods and baronetcies, we have no particular reason to congratulate ourselves now, but we have certainly improved since the days when rank was sold or bestowed upon the most audacious adventurers. So far as merit is concerned, we are, however, much in the same position as we were in the days of Read and Ralph; but ability always was an unmarketable commodity, and now it seems to secure its unhappy possessors the decided enmity of those more favoured beings whose dependence is upon patronage, and not upon personal powers, and who, in humble imitation of the fox of fable, affect to despise any such common thing as cleverness. And unfortunately this observation has a far wider bearing than on the mere bestowal of titles. It refers to things generally, and to the means by which many clever men are deprived of their subsistence, and driven to the wall by the nepotism and friendly feeling so often exercised in favour of the most arrant impostors, or on behalf of those who are just clever enough to conceal their ignorance and inability, to rob others of their ideas, or to foist second-hand notions upon a credulous and misjudging public. In “A Journey through England,” published in 1723, we get the following picture of a travelling quack of that time: “I cannot leave Winchester without telling you of a pleasant incident that happened there. As I was sitting at the George Inn, I saw a coach with six bay horses, a calash and four, a chaise and four, enter the inn, in a yellow livery turned up with red; four gentlemen on horseback, in blue trimmed with silver; and as yellow is the colour given by the dukes in England, I went out to see what duke it was; but there was no coronet on the coach, only a plain coat-of-arms on each with this motto ‘_Argento laborat Faber_.’ Upon inquiry I found this great equipage belonged to a mountebank, and his name being Smith, the motto was a pun upon his name. The footmen in yellow were his tumblers and trumpeters, and those in blue his merry-andrew, his apothecary and spokesman. He was dressed in black velvet, and had in his coach a woman that danced on the ropes. He cures all diseases and sells his packets for sixpence apiece. He erected stages in all the market towns twenty miles round; and it is a prodigy how so wise a people as the English are gulled by such pickpockets. But his amusements on the stage are worth the sixpence without the pills. In the morning he is dressed up in a fine brochade nightgown, for his chamber practice, when he gives advice and gets larger fees.” Although the papers of the early eighteenth century actually teem with the advertisements of quacksalvers, few of the applications to the unwary possess any distinctive features, and those which do are of the grossest possible description. In the _Daily Post_ of July 14, 1736, there is a curious testimonial to the abilities of a City practitioner who advertised very considerably about that period. His advertisements all take the form of recommendations from those who have received benefit at his hands and from his medicines, and the one we have chosen will give a fair idea of the others, which in many cases refer to the disorders of the gentler sex:-- THESE are to certify, that I Richard Sandford, Waterman, dwelling in Horsely-down-street, near the Dipping Pond, have a Son, who for a considerable Time was troubled with a _Pain in his Stomach, a Sleepiness and Giddiness_, whereupon I calling to Mind that some Years since my Wife’s Mother, betwixt 60 and 70 years of Age, _afflicted with a Palsy or Hemeplegia, or loss of the Use of one Side of her Body, had been cured by_ _Mr._ JOHN MOORE, _Apothecary_, _At the Pestle and Mortar in Laurence-Pountney’s Lane, the first Great Gates on the Left-Hand from Cannon-street,_ I applied to him for Relief of my Son, who after having taken a few of his Worm-Powders, they brought from him a WORM (or INSECT) like a Hog-Louse, with Legs and hairy, or a Kind of Down all over it, and very probably more, but he going to a common Vault they were lost; upon which he is amended as to his former Illnesses, and I desire this may be printed for the Good of others. Witness RICHARD SANDFORD. _Oct. 6, 1735._ N.B. The said JOHN MOORE’S Worm Medicines and Green-Sickness Powder, are sold at Mrs. Reader’s at the Nine Sugar-Loaves, a Chandler’s Shop in Hungerford-Market, sealed with his Coat of Arms, being a Cross, with the Words, _John Moore’s Worm-Powders_, &c., inscribed round it: And if any are Sold at any place, except at his own House, without that Seal and Inscription, they are Counterfeits. He sells Byfield’s Sal Volatile Oliosum, at 6d. per Ounce. To be had at the said J. Moore’s, COLUMBARIUM; or, The Pigeon-House: Being an Introduction to a Natural History of Tame Pigeons, giving an Account of the several Species known in England, with the Method of breeding them, their Distempers and Cures. _The two chief Advantages, which a real Acquaintance with Nature brings to our Minds, are first, by instructing our Understandings and gratifying our Curiosities; and next by exciting and cherishing our Devotion._ Boyle’s Experimental Philosophy, p. 3. Mr Sandford’s ideas on natural history were rather confused, and his powers of description evidently bothered by the astonishing “insect” which had so annoyed his son. What a pity so curious a specimen was not preserved for the benefit of Moore and “the good of others”! There was now a sore battle being fought between the quacks and the regular practitioners, the latter being bound to come forward and defend what they considered to be their rights by all and every means. That they did not disdain the use of advertisements, the following, which had its origin in a small gossiping paragraph, shows. It appears in the _Daily Journal_ of July 22, 1734, but was originally published a few days before, without the two paragraphs after signature:-- WHEREAS in the Papers of Saturday last there was a Paragraph relating to a Dispute that happened at Child’s Coffee-house, between a Doctor and a Surgeon; I think it my Duty to tell the Fact that occasioned this Dispute, truly as it is. On Wednesday the 10th of July I sent to Mr. Nourse; when he came I told him I had a Swelling and great Pain in my Leg; he saw it, said it was much inflamed, and that I must be blooded, take some Physick, and that he would send something that was proper to be applied; I was immediately let Blood; and he writ a Purge for me, to be taken the next Day, which I took, and am thereby, I thank God, much better. Afterwards, in the same Conversation, he ask’d me how long I had been ill? my Answer was, ten Days; he reply’d, have you been ill so long, and had no Advice? I then told him, I had, some Days before, been to the Jew Doctor’s House; his Answer was, I suppose you mean Dr. Schamberg, and pray what has he ordered for you? I said, I could not tell; but being desirous that Dr. Nourse should see the Prescription, I sent to the Apothecary’s for it by my Son, who brought it directly into the Room, where there was not anybody but Mr. Nourse and myself; Mr. Nourse looked upon the Bill, and told me I must take none of these Things now; nor the Spaw Water, said I? (for that was Part of the Prescription); his Answer was No, and laid the Bill down upon the Table, without saying anything more. This is the whole Truth, and I’m ready to attest it by an Affidavit. N.B. When I sent to Mr. Nourse I was determined to apply no more to Dr. Schamberg, he being in a manner a Stranger to me, and I have been much worse every Day, from the Time I began to take his Medicines. B. J. KNIGHT. Leadenhall Market, 15 July. The Propriety of Æsculapius’s Prescription judge of by the Effect. Q. Whether Steel steep’d in Brandy, and Spa Water, are proper for a Shortness of Breath, or an Inflammation. After this had been published once or twice, the advertiser, who could hardly have taken so much trouble out of pure gratitude, inserted another notice in the form of an affidavit, containing the foregoing and other particulars, the most important of which is that which discovers her sex. At least we presume that Bridget was a woman’s name in 1734. The difficulties between the doctors and apothecaries--the latter, when not quacks themselves, being their special agents--and the demand made for the far-famed Jesuits’ Bark, are both shown in the following handbill, which is of about the same date as the foregoing:-- WHEREAS it has been of late the Endeavour of several Members of the Physicians College, to reform the Abuses of the Apothecaries, as well in the Prizes as in the Composition of their Medicines, This is to give Notice for the public Good, that a superfine Sort of _Jesuits Bark_ ready powder’d and paper’d into Doses, with or without Directions for the Use of it, is to be had at Dr. Charles Goodal’s at the Coach and Horses, in Physician’s Colledge in Warwick Lane, at 4s. per Ounce, or for a Quantity together at £3 per Pound; for the Reasonableness of which Prizes, (considering the Loss and Trouble in powdering) we appeal to all the Druggists and Apothecaries themselves in Town, and particularly to Mr. Thair, Druggist in Newgate Street, to whom we paid full 9s. per Pound for a considerable Quantity for the Use of our self and our friends. And for the Excellency and Efficacy of this particular Bark enquire of Dr. Morton in Grey Friars. _I am to be spoken with at Prayers at_ S. Sepulchre’s every Day, _but the Lord’s Day, at Seven in the Morning, and at Home from Eight in the Morning till Ten at Night_. _The Poor may have Advice_ (_that is_, Nothing) _for_ Nothing. “Nothing for nothing” is a rate of exchange which is current even to this day, and was very likely known long before the time of this physician, whose effort could hardly have been expected to prove disastrous to the empirics, as he, among other peculiarities, regards what should have been his strong point of dissimilarity from them as “nothing.” Another bill of the same period is noticeable for the explicitness of the address given in it:-- When you are in _Baldwin’s Gardens_, that you may not mistake, ask for _Leopard’s Court_, and there at the Sign of the _Moon and Stars_, you will find the _Louvain Doctor_ from 8 in the Morning till 7 at Night. As you pass by the end of Leopard’s Court you may see the Sign of the _Moon and Stars_, which, pray, observe, least you mistake: for there are several Pretenders, therefore keep this bill. _Baldwin’s Gardens_ are near _Holborn_. Baldwin’s Gardens would hardly be a good address in these times for even the veriest quack. It is now about the foulest specimen extant of that kind of backslum or alley where, a generation back, according to Hood, pigs and Irish were wont to rally. The pigs, except in the form of hocks, “Jerry Lynch” heads, and other portions of bacon, have been removed by Act of Parliament since the poet sang his simple lay of “The Lost Child,” but the Irish have increased and multiplied with an activity unknown to them in other pursuits. The powers of the finest peasantry in the world are undoubted in one particular of philoprogenitiveness under any circumstances, and they seem to exert them to the utmost when least required and most inconvenient--when they are “pigged up” in small rooms and festering courts, and when every fresh birth is an outrage upon the sanatory laws supposed to govern us, and upon their own sense of decency. We are in the habit of hearing most of our domestic and civic misfortunes ascribed to the higher wages and increased leisure of the labouring classes of the present, as compared with those of twenty or thirty years back. Is this the case with regard to the rapid development of inhabitants for Baldwin’s Gardens, Leather Lane, Saffron Hill, and neighbouring purlieus? There may be increased leisure there, but if the wages are higher now than they were, in proportion to the higher price of provisions, they must have suffered worse than starvation in years gone by. So unhealthily crowded--in fact, pestilent--is the neighbourhood we have mentioned, that no number of quacks could have done more to shorten life than the inhabitants now do for themselves. But even these poor wretches are made the groundwork for a new system of quackery--the quackery of the mock philanthropist, who builds model lodging-houses, ostensibly and with much flourishing of trumpets, for the very poor, and then lets them to people who never did dwell in rookeries; to those people who can afford to pay good rents, and so keep up the dividends which are the modern reward of so-called charity. Notwithstanding the many stirring events of the early part of the last century, there is little or nothing to read in any of the papers. This may be accounted for by the difficulty of obtaining news from distant or even from any parts a hundred and thirty years or so back; but whatever the reason, this is certain, the advertisements are by far the best reading in the journals, daily or weekly. Though the newspapers were to our notions wonderfully small, their editors seem to have had the greatest difficulty in filling the little space they had at command with news, and provincial journals were sometimes put to strange shifts, even the now common work of the liner, that of inventing facts, being then unknown. It is by no means unusual to find a chapter of the Bible put in to fill up the columns; and even as late as 1740 the _London and County Journal_ gratified its readers with the History of the Old and New Testaments, while other papers filled up their front pages with occasional extracts from the histories of England and other countries, or selections from books of travel. Singular as this may seem, it is true. Its truth is perhaps the most singular thing about it. Among the many specifics of the last century was snuff, which in various forms is advertised as possessing the power not only of curing all bodily but many mental evils. In the _General Advertiser_ for June 21, 1749, there is an advertisement of a snuff which was supposed to cure lunacy. Certainly it has an effect on the ideas with regard to the construction of sentences, as the proprietor himself shows:-- GENTLEMEN, ONCE more I desire you to remember, I have published my _Imperial Snuff_, for all Disorders in the Head; and I think I might have gone further, and said, for all Disorders of Body and Mind. It hath set a great many to rights that was never expected, but there is but few, or none, that careth to have it published they were a little out of their Senses, although it be really an Ailment that none can help; but there is present Relief, if not a Cure; but I hope both, as by God’s Assistance it hath been performed already on many. And I think it my Duty to let the World know it, that they may not bear so many miserable Ailments that is capable of curing. I hear it is reported abroad I am dead, and that the World is imposed on; but, thank God, I am alive and put my Dependance on him, that he will give me leave to do some more Service before I go hence. But suppose I was dead, my Snuff is alive, and I hope it will live after I am dead, as it is capable of keeping the World in sprightly Life and Health, which must be allowed to be the greatest Blessing in the World. But what is Riches without that? And what would some have given for some of these Reliefs before it was advertised. But you are all heartily welcome at this Price of Sixpence, at present, but I should be glad of more from the Rich. I do assure you it is sold at this Price in regard to the Poor only. I am yours, etc. SAMUEL MAJOR. _In Swedland Court, against the end of Half-Moon-Alley, Bishopsgate Street._ The next gentleman upon the list is Mr Patence, who combined in himself many valuable qualifications, and was according to his own showing a decided benefactor to humanity. In December 1771 we find the following in the _Gazetteer_:-- MR Patence, Dentist and Dancing Master, No. 8, Bolt Court, Fleet Street, whose Ingenuity in making artificial Teeth, and fixing them without the least Pain, can be attested by several of the Nobility, and hopes to be honoured by the rest of the Great--may depend his Study shall be devoted to the good of every Individual. His whole Sets, with a Fine enamel on, is a Proof of his excelling all Operators. He charges ten Guineas for a whole, five for an upper or under Set, and half-a-Guinea for a single Tooth.--His Rose Powder for preserving the Teeth, is worthy to grace and perfume the chamber of a Prince.--His Medicines for preventing all Infections and sore Throats have been experienced by several.--As for dancing, he leaves that to the multitude of Ladies and Gentlemen whom he has taught, and desires to be rewarded no more than his Merit deserves, nor no less. Public School nights, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday Evenings; Tuesday Evenings set apart for Cotillons only.--_N.B._ His Rose Dentrifice may be had at Mr Nesbit’s Toy Shop Bishopsgate Street, and at his House, at 2s. 6d. the box. The conjunction of practices seems somewhat odd, and, as many may think, rather ominous--for the patients. But Mr Patence evidently flourished, and found plenty money to spend in advertisements. He promises much, but his strong point is secrecy. Advice is as usual offered gratis, which was a fair charge for it, considering that the applicant was sure to be advised to buy some of the nostrums purveyed by Patence. By his skill he repeatedly offers to stand or fall, and about the date we have given he publishes the following as evidence of it. It will be noticed that the address has been shifted, possibly on account of increased business:-- No. 3 _Ludgate Hill_. THIS Week a Lady applied to Mr. _Patence_, No. 3 Ludgate Hill, who had her Jaw-Bone broke by having a Tooth extracted, by another Lady, with a sound front Tooth in her Hand, and two others just ready to drop from their Sockets, by having four wretched artificial ones set in by another: her Teeth are all loose. By Tincture, a Gentleman with Teeth set in as brown as a Walnut, that never answered any End; and several other Persons in different Cases. Mr. _Patence_ therefore begs leave to add, that it is not his Intent to take away or lessen the Merit of any one particular Person; but how shocking it is to see Ladies and Gentlemen imposed on, a good set of Teeth ruined, and left at Leisure to lament the Loss in Pain, by Pretenders; for, of all Things artificial Teeth badly set in, is the most destructive of the good next them: but if performed in that masterly Manner that human Nature requires, they are a Preservation, and will answer the End which a humane Man would wish for, or a skilful Dentist desire.--Advice given daily in Cases ordinary, and extraordinary. No Cure no Pay. After this Patence goes on merrily telling us now that his “works, cures, and operations confirm his supremacy over every dentist in this kingdom; also physicians, curing man, woman, and child, when not one of them can give relief;” and then that he sells “teeth comprised of six different enamels, warranted never to turn black.” Teeth were, however, but small things in his practice, as he guarantees to replace “fallen noses” and challenges all known and unknown diseases, being, as he states, “mechanically accurated and anatomically perfect in the human structure.” To say less, he tells us, would be “doing an act unjust to himself, his patients, and his Maker, whose gifts are disposed of to whom he pleases.” In the _Morning Post_ of 1775 he publishes the following, having in the meantime once again changed his residence:-- To the _Nobility_, _Gentry_, and Others. PATENCE, Surgeon by Birth, and Dentist, having had ten Years Practice, performs every Operation on the Teeth, Gums, &c., with superior Skill, and whose Cures are not excelled or even equalled by any Dentist whatever. And as a Confirmation of the same, please to observe the following:-- October 5. A Gentleman who had lost all his Teeth, his Gums ulcerated and scorbutic, in five Days made a perfect Cure, fixed him in a whole set of natural Teeth, without Springs or any Fastening. October 16. A Lady whose Jaw was fractured by a Barber, her Teeth loose, her Gums ulcerated, attended with a running Matter, and an inflammation in her Cheeks, with a callous Swelling, cured without poulticing or cutting. October 20. A Lady that had lost all her upper Teeth by using Powders and Tinctures that are advertised to cure Everything, her Mouth ulcerated, and her Breath nauseous, is now delicately Clean, and replaced the Teeth with those that never change their Colour. Sunday, October 29. Perfectly relieved a Person that had lost both Palate and Speech; when he drank or eat it came out at his Nostrils, and had been in that state three Years; he had applied to Surgeons and several Hospitals, who deemed him incurable, and told him, one and all, he could have no Relief; he now speaks articulate, eats and drinks with Pleasure, which if any one should doubt, he can refer them to the Man. These, with upwards of three thousand Operations and Cures, have been accomplished by your humble Servant, M. PATENCE. At No. 403, in the Strand, near _Southampton Street_, London. Where the Teeth, though ever so foul, are made delicately white in six Minutes, and Medicines given for their preservation, for half a Guinea, any hour after ten in the Morning. Advice gratis, and profound Secrecy if required. ☞ Envy may snarl, but superior Abilities assists the Afflicted. There must be something very ambitious about a man who, not satisfied with being dentist and dancing-master, assumes the title of “surgeon by birth.” It is noticeable that though Patence was born a surgeon, he did not discover it till he had been at dentistry and dancing for some years.[37] But in 1775 and thereabouts quacks were not very particular as to their statements. In September 1776 the _Morning Post_ contains a very lengthy advertisement, put forth by one Lattese, a Piedmontese, who states that he has “by a long course of experiments discovered the wonderful secret of procreating either sex at the joint option of the parents. Should their desire be to have a girl, the success cannot be warranted with absolute certainty, though the chances will be highly in favour of such an event; but should they concur in their wishes to have a son, they may rely that by strictly conforming to a few easy and natural directions, they will positively have a boy.” Mr Lattese is so satisfied with the result of his experience that he is satisfied to await the result, and, no satisfaction, no pay. However much we may have advanced in some directions since the days of Patence and Lattese--though we now have railroads, steamboats, tramways, electric telegraphs, a penny post, vote by ballot, asphalt pavement, and good-templarism--it must be admitted that we have, in grasping at mere bubbles, lost many true arts. Among those unfortunately forgotten must, we are sorry to assume, be ranked those of breeding boys at will and surgeons _à discretion_. It is curious how anxious many of the quacks are that they shall not be confounded with their rivals, and their addresses are often given with wonderful exactness. Of this we will add another example, which, though some years later than the one about Baldwin’s Gardens, is in no way less distinct. It would seem, from many references in old newspapers, that the term Maypole was used for a certain portion of the Strand long after the shaft itself had been removed:-- In the Strand, over against the Maypole, on the left Hand coming from Temple-Bar, at the Sign of the Golden Cross, between a Sword Cuttlers and a Milliner’s Shop, the Sign of the Sugar Loaf and Barber’s Pole, within four Doors of the Mitre Tavern: Where you may see a large Red coloured Lanthorn, with Eleven Candles in it; and a white Sign written upon with red Letters DUTCH DOCTOR, ^Licensed by his most Excellent Majesty^: and a long Entry with a Hatch and a Knocker on it. Where you may come in privately, and speak with him, and need not be ashamed, he having not any in his House but himself and his Family. The sign of the Sugar-loaf and Barber’s Pole must have been unique even in the days of signboards, when incongruity was an advantage. Signs remind us of a noted quack of last century, Van Butchell, who painted a wonderful inscription over the front of his house. He was a great advertiser, too, and his effusions are found in most of the papers. When his wife died he had her embalmed, and used to let his patients see the body. He made her very useful as a means of publicity, one of his notices--in the _St James’s Chronicle_ for October 1776--running thus:-- VAN BUTCHELL (not willing to be unpleasantly circumstanced, and wishing to convince some good Minds they have been misinformed) acquaints the Curious no Stranger can see his embalmed Wife, unless (by a Friend or personally) introduced to himself, any Day between Nine and One, Sundays excepted. Van Butchell, though he lost no opportunity of looking after the main chance, had a mad way of conducting his business, which caused people to regard him as quite out of the ordinary level of charlatans, and his eccentricities in time got him a reputation for both cleverness and conscientiousness. He lived in Mount Street, and on his house and part of the next the following strange inscription was painted:-- BY HIS MAJESTY’S Thus, said sneaking Jack, ROYAL speaking like himself, I’ll be first; if I get my Money, I don’t care who suffers. LETTERS PATENT, MARTIN VAN BUTCHELL’S NEW INVENTED With caustic care--and old Phim. SPRING BANDS AND FASTENINGS Sometimes in six days, and always in ten--the Fistula in Ano. FOR THE APPAREL AND FURNITURE July 6. OF Licensed to deal in Perfumery, i.e. HUMAN BEINGS Hydrophobia cured in thirty days. AND BRUTE CREATURES. Made of Milk and Honey. His next-door neighbour, however, thinking proper to rebuild part of his front, obliterated half of the notice, which, as remarked, ran across both houses. At one time Van Butchell had a famous dun horse, and having some dispute with the stable-keeper, it was detained by the latter to pay for his keep, and was at length sold at Tattersall’s, where, from the character given him by Van Butchell, he brought a good price. This affair was the occasion of a lawsuit, and caused the Doctor to add in small gold letters as quoted, nearly at the top of his notice, the words, “Thus said sneaking Jack,” &c. Of Van Butchell’s literary and advertising talents, the reader will be best able to form a conclusion after a perusal of the following specimen, taken from various newspapers at various times:-- Causes of Crim. Con. Also Barreness--And the King’s Evil: Advice--new--Guinea; come from Ten till One: for I go to none. The Anatomist and Sympathizer who never poisons--nor sheds human blood: Balm is always good. Corresponding--Lads--Remember Judas:--And the year 80! _Last Monday morning at Seven o’clock_, Doctor Merryman, _of Queen Street, Mayfair, presented_ Elizabeth, the wife of Martin van Butchell _with her Fifth fine Boy, at his_ House _in_ Mount Street, Grosvenor Square, and--they--all--are--well. Post Masters General for Ten Thousand Pounds (--We mean Gentlemen’s--Not a Penny less--) I will soon construct--Such Mail-Coach--Perch Bolts, as shall never break! Tender--hearted--Man--User of the Knife,--Would’st thou cut thy Wife? (--Unless two[38] were by?--Fearing she might die?--) Is--not--Blood--the Life? If the Empress of Russia--the Emperor of Germany--the King of Prussia--an Immaculate,--or the Pope of Rome--were sorely smitten--with bad Fistulæ and tormenting Piles--visited Martin to be made quite whole:--_Without Confinement_--_Fomentation_--_Risk_--_Infection_--_Poultice_-- _Caustic_--_or Cutting_:--_bringing_ two per Cent. of Five Years Profit.--☞ Less _is_ not _his_ fee. Nor would he suffer a third person to be in the room. Not wanting help,--he won’t be hinder’d; by half-willed spies; slavish informers: nor sad alarmists. All his patients live: and--Jehovah--praise. To the Editor--of a Morning Paper--_Ego_--_Secundus_.--Of God every man--hath his proper gift: glory be to him--that of mine is healing:--(Not miraculous,--nor by Satan’s aid:)--being vigilant--while gay lads gamed at the Tennis Court--I found it in schools anatomical--Fistulæ and Piles--best my genius fit--Very broad is art--narrow human wit: tho’ man was complete (--As he ought to be with an hairy chin.)--Lovely women hate fops effeminate.--Time approaches when among certain men--in another age--beards--will--be--the--rage! To many I refer--for my character: each will have the grace--to write out his case; soon as he is well--an history tell: for the public good;--so save human blood: as--all--true--folk--shou’d. Sharkish people may--keep themselves away--_Those that use men ill--I never can heal; being forbidden--to cast pearls to pigs; lest--they--turn--and--tear. Wisdom makes dainty: patients come to me, with heavy guineas--between ten and one: but--I--go--to--none._ _Mender of mankind_; in a manly way. _Fistulæ_--Patients--Fee--is--according--to ability! let those--who have much give--without grudging!--(heavy guineas--down: I don’t like paper;--unless--from the Bank of good Old England)--Plain folk--do comply--very readily: so shall--the gaudy:--or keep their complaints! Many--are in want of food;--and raiment, for large families. Such--will be made whole--just so speedily as the most wealthy; that’s “one right of man,” and he shall have it; while God grants me health!--(Philosophers--say--Mankind--are equal:--and pure religion--kindly--promotes--good.)--Lofty ones--read this;--then pause a little: down your dust--must lay; promises--won’t do; I can’t go away--to receive some pay from other people! _British_ Christian _Lads_. (“Behold--now is the day--of salvation.” Get understanding:--as the highest gain.--) Cease looking boyish:--become quite manly!--(_Girls_ are fond of _hair_:--it is natural.)--Let your beards grow long: that ye may be strong:--in mind--and in body: as were great grand dads: centuries ago; when John did not owe--a single penny: more--than--he--could--pay. _Phi_--lo--so--fie--_sirs_.--“Heaven gives a will:--then directs the way.” Honor your maker:--And “_Be swift to hear: slow_--to--_speak_:--or--_wrath_.” Leave off _de_forming:--each--himself--_re_form: wear--the--marks--of--men--_In-con-tes-ti-ble_! Jesus--did not shave:--for He--knew better. Had it been proper--our chins should be bare, would hair--be put there:--by wise Jehovah?--Who--made--all--things--good. _Sympathising_--Minds!--“Blessed are they that consider the poor.” Princes--Dukes--Lords--Knights--Esquires--Ladies--“Or the Lord knows who,” are hapless mortals!--Many do need me--to give them comfort! Am not I--the first--healer--(at this Day)--of bad Fistulæ?--(with--an handsome Beard)--like Hippocrates! The combing--I sell--one guinea--each hair:--(of use--to the Fair, that want fine children:--I can--tell them how;--it--is a secret--) Some--are quite--auburn;--others--silver white:--full--half quarter--long, growing--(day and night)--only--fifteen--months! Ye must hither come,--(As I go to none)--and bring--one per cent. of five years’ profit:--that’s my settled fee; it--shall be return’d if I do not cure--(in a little time)--the worst Fistulæ: let who will--have failed! Lie telling--is bad:--sotting--makes folk sad! see--(Ananias)--Beginning Acts v. Pot-I-cary--bow--thy--frizz’d--mealy pate! “Despisers,--behold--wonder--and perish!” “God--gives grace to man! Glory--be to God! He--doth all things well!” _Fistulæ--and--Piles_, by _the_ help _of_ God--_we_ eradicate, _Having_ wit _enough_ to _heal_ those _complaints_, my _small_ fee _must_ be--_twelve_ heavy _guineas_: large _six_ score _thousand_: We _mean_ 2 _pr_ cent. _on_ five _years_ profit--_put_ it _in_ rouleaus _of_ an _hundred_ each.--_Come_ from _ten_ till _one_:--for--_I_--go--_to_--none. No one, after reading these extracts, will be inclined to doubt that Van Butchell was an original. His notoriety was such that many used to visit his house, not so much for the purpose of receiving advice as to see and converse with him. The success which he and contemporary quacks made led to the tax on “patent medicines,” which was imposed in 1783, and has now for over ninety years been a fruitful source of revenue. Of Van Butchell’s contemporaries, one of the most worthy of note was Katerfelto, of whom Cowper speaks in “The Task”-- And Katerfelto, with his hair an end At his own wonders, wondering for his bread. Katerfelto was a foreigner who had “seen service,” and according to his own showing was both brave and learned. A notice of him which appears in an article on quacks says: “In a pamphlet on quackery, published at Kingston-upon-Hull, in 1805, it is stated that Dr Katerfelto practised on the people of London in the influenza of 1782; that he added to his nostrums the fascinations of hocus-pocus; and that with the services of some extraordinary _black cats_ he astonished the vulgar. In 1790, or 1791, he visited the city of Durham, accompanied by his wife and daughter. His travelling equipage consisted of an old rumbling coach, drawn by a pair of sorry hacks; and his two black servants wore green liveries with red collars. They were sent round the town, blowing trumpets and delivering bills of their master’s performances. These were--in the daytime, a microscope; in the evening, electrical experiments, in which the black cats--‘the doctor’s devils’--played their parts in yielding electric sparks; tricks of legerdemain concluded the entertainments. He was a tall, thin man, dressed in a black gown and square cap; he is said to have been originally a soldier in the Prussian service. In one of his advertisements he states that he was a colonel in the ‘Death’s Head’ regiment of hussars, a terrific prognostic of his ultimate profession. He had many mishaps in his conjuring career; once he sent up a fire balloon, which, falling upon a hay-stack, set it on fire, and it was consumed, when Katerfelto was sued for its value, and was sent to prison in default of payment. And not long before his death, he was committed by the Mayor of Shrewsbury to the House of Correction in that city as a vagrant and impostor. Katerfelto mixed up with his quackery some real science, and by the aid of the solar microscope astonished the world with insect wonders. In one of his advertisements in the _Morning Post_, of July 1782, he says that, by its aid, the insects on the hedges will be seen larger than ever, and those insects which caused the late influenza will be seen as large as a bird; and in a drop of water the size of a pin’s head there will be seen above 50,000 insects; the same in beer, milk, vinegar, blood, flour, cheese, etc., etc., and there will be seen many surprising indifferent vegetables, and above 200 other dead objects. He obtained good prices for his show:--‘The admittance to see these wonderful works of Providence is only--front seats, three shillings; second seats, two shillings; and back seats, one shilling only, from eight o’clock in the morning till six in the afternoon, at No. 22 Piccadilly.’ He fully understood the advantages of puffing, and one of his advertisements commences with a story of ‘a gentleman of the faculty belonging to Oxford University, who, finding it likely to prove a fine day, set out for London purposely to see those great wonders which are advertised so much by that famous philosopher, Mr Katerfelto;’ that the said gentleman declared, ‘if he had come three hundred miles on purpose, the knowledge he had then received would amply reward him; and that he should not wonder that some of the nobility should come from the remotest part of Scotland to hear Mr Katerfelto, as the people of that country in particular are always searching after knowledge.’ He elsewhere declares himself ‘the greatest philosopher in this kingdom since Sir Isaac Newton.’ ‘And Mr Katerfelto, as a divine and moral philosopher, begs leave to say that all persons on earth live in darkness, if they are able to see, but will not see his wonderful exhibition.’” Katerfelto, who had been in trouble both in his own country and in France, showed an aptitude for distinguishing himself in a similar way here, not only in the ways we have already quoted, but with regard to impositions practised on the confiding. He obtained £2000 from a Captain Paterson, but had to return it. This he afterwards referred to as instance of his generosity and love of honesty, and his admiration for this country is shown by his avowed desire to stay in it, “though unpensioned, notwithstanding the many offers from the Queen of France, the request of his friend and correspondent Dr Franklin, and the positive commands of his liege lord the King of Prussia.” Mention of the Queen of France reminds us of another impostor, perhaps the greatest in his way that ever lived, Joseph Balsamo. As, however, he had little or nothing to do with advertising, and as he has already afforded work for many able and vigorous pens, we will be content to quote a few lines from Carlyle regarding the arch-quack’s description and personal appearance: “The quack of quacks, the most perfect scoundrel that in these latter ages has marked the world’s history, we have found in the Count Alessandro di Cagliostro, pupil of the sage Althotas, foster child of the Scherif of Mecca, probably son of the last king of Trebizonde; named also Acharat, and unfortunate child of nature; by profession healer of diseases, abolisher of wrinkles, friend of the poor and impotent, grand-master of the Egyptian mason-lodge of high science, spirit-summoner, gold-cook, grand cophta, prophet, priest, and thaumaturgic moralist and swindler; really a liar of the first magnitude, thorough-paced in all provinces of lying, what one may call the king of liars. . . . One of the most authentic documents preserved of Joseph Balsamo is the picture of his visage. An effigy once universally diffused in oil paint, aquatint, marble, stucco, and perhaps gingerbread, decorating millions of apartments. Fittest of visitors, worthy to be worn by the quack of quacks! A most portentous face of scoundrelism: a fat, snub, abominable face; dew-lapped, flat-nosed, greasy, full of greediness, sensuality, ox-like obstinacy; a forehead impudent, refusing to be ashamed; and then two eyes turned up seraphically languishing, as if in divine contemplation and adoration; a touch of quiz, too; on the whole, perhaps the most perfect quack-face produced by the eighteenth century.” The subject of this flattering portrait was born in 1743, and died in the fortress of St Leo, Rome, after an imprisonment of six years, aged fifty-two. The system of showing on oneself the effect of one’s own specifics has had many admirers and practisers. A Mrs Harden, in Newman Street, Oxford Street, used to advertise some years ago a hair-dye, the effect of which was to be seen on her own hair at her private residence, or at ladies’ own residences if preferred. In a similar manner a quack in the time of King Charles II. commenced his handbill with this statement: “Salvator Winter, an Italian of the city of Naples, aged 98 years, yet by the blessing of God, finds himself in health and as strong as any one of fifty, as to the sensitive part. Which first he attributes to God, and then to his _Elixir Vitæ_, which he always carries in his pocket adayes, and at night under his pillow. And when he finds himself distempered he taketh a spoonful or two, according as need requireth.” He then goes on to state that people should call and see its effect on him, and purchase so as to ensure health. A most original, unique, and successful humbug, quite worthy of mention here, though not a dealer in medicines, was the late Monsieur Mangin of Paris. While passing through the public streets, there was nothing in his personal appearance to distinguish him from any ordinary gentleman. He drove a pair of bay horses, attached to an open carriage with two seats, the back one always occupied by his valet. Sometimes he would take up his stand in the Champs Elysées; at other times near the column in the Place Vendôme; but usually he was seen in the afternoon in the Place de la Bastille, or the Place de la Madeleine. On Sundays his favourite locality was the Place de la Bourse. Mangin was a well-formed, stately-looking individual, with a most self-satisfied countenance, which seemed to say, “I am master here; and all that my auditors have to do is, to listen and obey.” Arriving at his destined stopping-place, his carriage halted. His servant handed him a case from which he took several large portraits of himself, which he hung prominently upon the sides of his carriage, and also placed in front of him a vase filled with medals bearing his likeness on one side, and a description of the blacklead pencils in which he traded on the other. He then leisurely commenced a change of costume. His round hat was replaced by a magnificent burnished helmet, mounted with rich plumes of various brilliant colours. His overcoat was laid aside, and he donned in its stead a costly velvet tunic with gold fringes. He then drew a pair of polished steel gauntlets upon his hands, covered his breast with a brilliant cuirass, and placed a richly-mounted sword at his side. His servant watched him closely, and upon receiving a sign from his master he too put on his official costume, which consisted of a velvet robe and a helmet. The servant then struck up a tune on the richly-toned organ which always formed a part of Mangin’s apparatus. The grotesque appearance of these individuals, and the music, soon drew together an admiring crowd. Then the charlatan stood up. His manner was calm, dignified, imposing, indeed, almost solemn, for his face was as serious as that of the chief mourner at a funeral. His sharp, intelligent eye scrutinised the throng which was pressing around his carriage, until it rested apparently upon some particular individual, then he gave a start; then, with a dark, angry expression, as if the sight was repulsive, he abruptly dropped the visor of his helmet and thus covered his face from the gaze of the anxious crowd. Thus far he had not spoken a word. At last the prelude ended, and the comedy commenced. Stepping forward again to the front of the carriage, he exclaimed--“Gentlemen, you look astonished! You seem to wonder and ask yourselves, who is this modern Quixote? What mean this costume of bygone centuries--this golden chariot--these richly-caparisoned steeds? What is the name, what the purpose of this curious knight-errant? Gentlemen, I will condescend to answer your queries. I am Monsieur Mangin, the great charlatan of France! Yes, gentlemen, I am a charlatan--a mountebank; it is my profession, not from choice, but from necessity. You, gentlemen, created that necessity! You would not patronise true, unpretending, honest merit, but you are attracted by my glittering casque, my sweeping crest, my waving plumes. You are captivated by din and glitter, and therein lies my strength. Years ago I hired a modest shop in the Rue Rivoli, but I could not sell pencils enough to pay my rent, whereas, by assuming this disguise--it is nothing else--I have succeeded in attracting general attention, and in selling literally millions of my pencils; and I assure you, there is at this moment scarcely an artist in France or in Great Britain who does not know that I manufacture by far the best blacklead pencils ever seen.” And Mangin so far differed from other mountebanks in the fact that his wares were everywhere said to be superior to any others. Speaking of Mangin reminds us of another French itinerant who forms the central figure of a rather amusing story. In July 1817 a man of imposing figure, wearing a large sabre and immense moustache, arrived at one of the principal inns of a provincial city in France, with a female of agreeable shape and enchanting mien. He alighted at the moment the dinner was being served up at the _table d’hôte_. His martial appearance and bearing caused all the guests to rise with respect; they felt assured he must be a lieutenant-general or a major-general at least. A new governor was expected in the province about this time, and everybody believed that it was he who had arrived incognito. The officer of _gens d’armes_ gave him the place of honour, the comptroller of the customs and the receiver of taxes sat each by the side of madame, and exerted their wit and gallantry to the utmost. All the tit-bits, all the most exquisite wines, were placed before the fortunate couple. At length the party broke up, and every one ran to report through the city that M. le Gouverneur had arrived. But, oh, what was their surprise, when the next day his Excellency, clad in a scarlet coat, and his august companion, dressed out in a gown glittering with tinsel, mounted a small open calash, and preceded by some musicians, went about the squares and public ways selling Swiss tea and balm of Mecca! Imagine the fury of the guests! They complained to the _maire_, and demanded that the audacious quack should be compelled to lay aside the characteristic mark of the brave. The prudent magistrate assembled the common council; and those respectable persons, after a long deliberation, considering that nothing in the charter forbad a citizen to let his beard grow on his upper lip, dismissed the complaint altogether. The same evening the supposed governor gave a serenade to the offended diners, and the next day took his leave, and continued his journey amid the acclamations of the populace. It would be interesting to know what quack--for a quack it certainly must have been--was first responsible for the belief that a child’s caul would save a man from drowning. The origin of this fiction is, however, hidden under the dust of ages. It is customary for people who assume what they wish to believe, to state that the superstition went out when education came in; but that such is not the case a perusal of the advertisement sheets of current journals will show. Here is a rather curious specimen of a generation ago:-- A CHILD’S CAUL to be disposed of, particularly recommended to persons going to the Continent on pleasure or business, officers in his Majesty’s navy, merchants trading to the East and West Indies, and all other parts of the globe, being exposed to the dangers of the seas, having the caul in their possession their life will most assuredly always be preserved. Address by letter only, prepaid, to Mr W., Temple Chambers, Falcon Court, Fleet Street. It must be admitted that the demand for these extremely portable life-preservers has quite gone so far as advertisements are concerned, all that we have seen of modern years being in reference to cauls that the owners wished to part with. When these preventives were fully believed in, an ancient mariner must have been as much surprised as afraid when he went down to the bottom. Captain Marryat tells a rather funny story of a pair of canvas inexpressibles that refused to sink because they had a caul in one of the pockets; and in the days of Howe, Collingwood, and Nelson, a rare trade was driven in cauls, real and imitation, which then fetched fancy prices. The motives will be apparent which prevent our entering on the merits and demerits of quacks and quack medicines of the present day. Some of the latter are doubtless concocted with skill, and, under peculiar circumstances, are productive of much good, while others are quite the reverse in all particulars. Into this subject we cannot go, as we have no wish to advertise any one nostrum at the expense of another, or to subject ourselves to the expense and unpleasantness which too often attends on outspokenness. We shall rest content with the facts that the most impudent empirics confine themselves to “certain diseases” and hole-and-corner advertisements, and that analytical chemists and comparatively recent legislation have provided for us remedies for any excess on the part of the patent-medicine manufacturers, any one of whom a single false step would irretrievably ruin. Besides, the curious need look no further than the current newspapers for any quantity of average specimens. * * * * * Graham and his Celestial Bed are worthy of a chapter to themselves, especially as we have already run to such length on the subject of quacks and quackery. [37] After all Patence was only an imitator in this particular. In the _Gentleman’s Magazine_ of 1735, there is a reference to the “Unborn Doctor of Moorfields,” who flourished very early in the eighteenth century. This man upon being asked to explain his mysterious title, replied, “Why, I wasn’t born a doctor, was I?” [38] This refers to the regular mode of eminent Surgeons, who seldom cut for Fistulæ or Piles, but in the presence of their assistants: because some patients have died under the operation, and others some days after.