5. BETROTHAL

Betrothal is called tunangan or pinangan. When the parents of a marriageable youth perceive a suitable "match" for their son, they send a messenger to her parents to ask if she has yet been "bespoken" (kalau ada orang sebut). If the reply is satisfactory, the messenger is again despatched to intimate the desire of the youth's parents to "bespeak" the hand of the favoured individual for his son, and to arrange a day for a meeting. These preliminaries are accompanied by the usual polite self-depreciation on both sides. Thus, the girl's father begins by saying, "You wish to bespeak the hand of my daughter, who knows neither how to cook nor how to sew" (yang ta'tahu masak, ta'tahu menjait). But the custom is not carried to such extremes as it is in China. [603] The girl's parents next call four or five witnesses (saksi) of either sex to "witness" the betrothal, and after preparing a meal (nasi dan kueh) for their expected guests, await the arrival of the youth's "Representatives," the youth himself remaining at home. One of the party carries a betel-leaf tray furnished with the usual betel-chewing appliances, together with half a bhara of dollars ($11) according to the stricter custom; although (failing the dollars), a ring or bracelet, or other jewellery of that value, may be substituted. Bearing these presents with them, the youth's representatives proceed to the house of the girl's parents, where they are invited to enter and partake of the betel-leaf provided for them. A meal is then served, Malay cakes (kueh-kueh) brought forward, and the company again partake of betel. The two parties now sit down in a "family circle," and one of the youth's representatives pushes forward (di-sorongkan) the betel which they had brought with them, and offers it to the people of the house, saying, "This is a pledge of your daughter's betrothal." The girl's father replies, "Be it so, I accept it," or words to that effect, and inquires how long the engagement is to last, the answer being "six months" or "a year" as the case may be. Both parties then appeal to the witnesses to "hear what is said," and the youth's relatives return to their homes. The marriage portion being fixed (in Selangor) by an almost universal custom at two bharas of dollars ($44), the amount is not usually mentioned at the betrothal, it being understood that the usual amount is intended. But if the girl's parents should afterwards prove reluctant to proceed with the match, they forfeit twice the amount of the pledge-money which they have received; whereas if the youth refuses to proceed he merely forfeits the pledge-money ($11) already paid to the girl's parents. Some families pay a marriage portion of $30 only, and others (such as the family of 'Toh Kaya Kechil of Klang) pay as much as $50, but exceptions are rare, $44 being now generally recognised as the customary wedding portion. However, the girl's family does not really receive anything like the full value of the $44, because if the $44 is paid in full the proposer has a right to demand a complete outfit (persalinan) of silk attire, to the value of about $20, so that the amount which actually changes hands is seldom more than about $24. The Malay fiancée, unlike her European sister, is at the utmost pains to keep out of her lover's way, and to attain this object she is said to be "as watchful as a tiger." No engagement-ring is used in this neighbourhood, no priest (or Lebai) is present at the engagement ceremony, nor is the girl asked for her consent. On the other hand, a regular system of exchanging presents, after the engagement, is said to have been formerly in vogue in Selangor, the man sending betel-leaf, fruit, and eggs to his fiancée from time to time in net-work receptacles, and the woman sending specially prepared rice, etc. in rush-work receptacles of various patterns. It is said, too, that the woman would occasionally carve a chain, consisting of three or four links, out of a single areca-nut, in which case the prospective bridegroom was supposed to redeem it by the payment of as many dollars as there were links. The betel-nut presented on these occasions would be wrapped up in a gradation of three beautifully worked cloths, not unlike "D'oyleys" in general appearance, whilst the actual engagement ceremony in former days is said to have received additional interest and formality from the recital of verses appropriate to the occasion by chosen representatives of each party. Specimens of the betrothal verses formerly used in Selangor will be found in the Appendix. The following is a translation:-- "Q. Small is my cottage, but it has five shelves For roasting the kerisi fish; Hearken, good people, whilst I inquire of you What is the price of your Diamond [604] here? A. Your fishing-line must be five fathoms long If you would catch the tenggiri fish; Seven tahils, a kati, and five laksa, [605] That is the price of our Diamond here. Q. If there are no rengas trees growing on the Point, One must go up-stream and cut down a screw-palm; If one has not gold in one's girdle, One must make over one's person to begin with. A. If there are no rengas trees growing on the Point, You must take banyan-wood for the sides of your trays; If you have no gold in your girdle, You need not hope to get Somebody's daughter. Q. Thousands are the supports required For the stem of the sago-palm to recline upon; [606] Though it be thousands I would accept the debt So I be betrothed to Somebody's daughter. A. My head-kerchief has fallen into the sea, And with it has fallen my oar-ring; [607] I stretch out my hand in token of acceptance, Though I have naught wherewith to requite you. Q. Oar-ring or no, The lenggundi bush grows apace in the thatch channels. Whether it is well to go slowly or no, It is the favour you have shown me that subdues my heart." If, however, there is a hitch in the proceedings, and the parties commence to lose their temper, the stanzas may end very differently; for instance, the girl's father or representative will say:-- "A. My lord has gone up-stream To get his clothes and wash out the dye. [608] If that is all, let it alone for the present; If there is anything else you will always find me ready. Q. 'Che Dol Amat's mango-tree When it fell rolled into the swamp. If I cannot get what I want by peaceful means, Look that you be not hit in the war of strategy. A. If the rim is not properly fitted to the rice-box, [609] Let us get saffron-rice and roast a fowl. If I cannot get you to make acknowledgment, Let Heaven reel and Earth be submerged." These last two lines constitute a direct challenge, and no more words need be wasted when once they have been uttered.