History of Tom Jones, a Foundling by Henry Fielding

Chapter iii.

2247 words | Chapter 250

A dialogue between the landlady and Susan the chamber-maid, proper to be read by all inn-keepers and their servants; with the arrival, and affable behaviour of a beautiful young lady; which may teach persons of condition how they may acquire the love of the whole world. The landlady, remembering that Susan had been the only person out of bed when the door was burst open, resorted presently to her, to enquire into the first occasion of the disturbance, as well as who the strange gentleman was, and when and how he arrived. Susan related the whole story which the reader knows already, varying the truth only in some circumstances, as she saw convenient, and totally concealing the money which she had received. But whereas her mistress had, in the preface to her enquiry, spoken much in compassion for the fright which the lady had been in concerning any intended depredations on her virtue, Susan could not help endeavouring to quiet the concern which her mistress seemed to be under on that account, by swearing heartily she saw Jones leap out from her bed. The landlady fell into a violent rage at these words. “A likely story, truly,” cried she, “that a woman should cry out, and endeavour to expose herself, if that was the case! I desire to know what better proof any lady can give of her virtue than her crying out, which, I believe, twenty people can witness for her she did? I beg, madam, you would spread no such scandal of any of my guests; for it will not only reflect on them, but upon the house; and I am sure no vagabonds, nor wicked beggarly people, come here.” “Well,” says Susan, “then I must not believe my own eyes.” “No, indeed, must you not always,” answered her mistress; “I would not have believed my own eyes against such good gentlefolks. I have not had a better supper ordered this half-year than they ordered last night; and so easy and good-humoured were they, that they found no fault with my Worcestershire perry, which I sold them for champagne; and to be sure it is as well tasted and as wholesome as the best champagne in the kingdom, otherwise I would scorn to give it 'em; and they drank me two bottles. No, no, I will never believe any harm of such sober good sort of people.” Susan being thus silenced, her mistress proceeded to other matters. “And so you tell me,” continued she, “that the strange gentleman came post, and there is a footman without with the horses; why, then, he is certainly some of your great gentlefolks too. Why did not you ask him whether he'd have any supper? I think he is in the other gentleman's room; go up and ask whether he called. Perhaps he'll order something when he finds anybody stirring in the house to dress it. Now don't commit any of your usual blunders, by telling him the fire's out, and the fowls alive. And if he should order mutton, don't blab out that we have none. The butcher, I know, killed a sheep just before I went to bed, and he never refuses to cut it up warm when I desire it. Go, remember there's all sorts of mutton and fowls; go, open the door with, Gentlemen, d'ye call? and if they say nothing, ask what his honour will be pleased to have for supper? Don't forget his honour. Go; if you don't mind all these matters better, you'll never come to anything.” Susan departed, and soon returned with an account that the two gentlemen were got both into the same bed. “Two gentlemen,” says the landlady, “in the same bed! that's impossible; they are two arrant scrubs, I warrant them; and I believe young Squire Allworthy guessed right, that the fellow intended to rob her ladyship; for, if he had broke open the lady's door with any of the wicked designs of a gentleman, he would never have sneaked away to another room to save the expense of a supper and a bed to himself. They are certainly thieves, and their searching after a wife is nothing but a pretence.” In these censures my landlady did Mr Fitzpatrick great injustice; for he was really born a gentleman, though not worth a groat; and though, perhaps, he had some few blemishes in his heart as well as in his head, yet being a sneaking or a niggardly fellow was not one of them. In reality, he was so generous a man, that, whereas he had received a very handsome fortune with his wife, he had now spent every penny of it, except some little pittance which was settled upon her; and, in order to possess himself of this, he had used her with such cruelty, that, together with his jealousy, which was of the bitterest kind, it had forced the poor woman to run away from him. This gentleman then being well tired with his long journey from Chester in one day, with which, and some good dry blows he had received in the scuffle, his bones were so sore, that, added to the soreness of his mind, it had quite deprived him of any appetite for eating. And being now so violently disappointed in the woman whom, at the maid's instance, he had mistaken for his wife, it never once entered into his head that she might nevertheless be in the house, though he had erred in the first person he had attacked. He therefore yielded to the dissuasions of his friend from searching any farther after her that night, and accepted the kind offer of part of his bed. The footman and post-boy were in a different disposition. They were more ready to order than the landlady was to provide; however, after being pretty well satisfied by them of the real truth of the case, and that Mr Fitzpatrick was no thief, she was at length prevailed on to set some cold meat before them, which they were devouring with great greediness, when Partridge came into the kitchen. He had been first awaked by the hurry which we have before seen; and while he was endeavouring to compose himself again on his pillow, a screech-owl had given him such a serenade at his window, that he leapt in a most horrible affright from his bed, and, huddling on his cloaths with great expedition, ran down to the protection of the company, whom he heard talking below in the kitchen. His arrival detained my landlady from returning to her rest; for she was just about to leave the other two guests to the care of Susan; but the friend of young Squire Allworthy was not to be so neglected, especially as he called for a pint of wine to be mulled. She immediately obeyed, by putting the same quantity of perry to the fire; for this readily answered to the name of every kind of wine. The Irish footman was retired to bed, and the post-boy was going to follow; but Partridge invited him to stay and partake of his wine, which the lad very thankfully accepted. The schoolmaster was indeed afraid to return to bed by himself; and as he did not know how soon he might lose the company of my landlady, he was resolved to secure that of the boy, in whose presence he apprehended no danger from the devil or any of his adherents. And now arrived another post-boy at the gate; upon which Susan, being ordered out, returned, introducing two young women in riding habits, one of which was so very richly laced, that Partridge and the post-boy instantly started from their chairs, and my landlady fell to her courtsies, and her ladyships, with great eagerness. The lady in the rich habit said, with a smile of great condescension, “If you will give me leave, madam, I will warm myself a few minutes at your kitchen fire, for it is really very cold; but I must insist on disturbing no one from his seat.” This was spoken on account of Partridge, who had retreated to the other end of the room, struck with the utmost awe and astonishment at the splendor of the lady's dress. Indeed, she had a much better title to respect than this; for she was one of the most beautiful creatures in the world. The lady earnestly desired Partridge to return to his seat; but could not prevail. She then pulled off her gloves, and displayed to the fire two hands, which had every property of snow in them, except that of melting. Her companion, who was indeed her maid, likewise pulled off her gloves, and discovered what bore an exact resemblance, in cold and colour, to a piece of frozen beef. “I wish, madam,” quoth the latter, “your ladyship would not think of going any farther to-night. I am terribly afraid your ladyship will not be able to bear the fatigue.” “Why sure,” cries the landlady, “her ladyship's honour can never intend it. O, bless me! farther to-night, indeed! let me beseech your ladyship not to think on't----But, to be sure, your ladyship can't. What will your honour be pleased to have for supper? I have mutton of all kinds, and some nice chicken.” “I think, madam,” said the lady, “it would be rather breakfast than supper; but I can't eat anything; and, if I stay, shall only lie down for an hour or two. However, if you please, madam, you may get me a little sack whey, made very small and thin.” “Yes, madam,” cries the mistress of the house, “I have some excellent white wine.”--“You have no sack, then?” says the lady. “Yes, an't please your honour, I have; I may challenge the country for that--but let me beg your ladyship to eat something.” “Upon my word, I can't eat a morsel,” answered the lady; “and I shall be much obliged to you if you will please to get my apartment ready as soon as possible; for I am resolved to be on horseback again in three hours.” “Why, Susan,” cries the landlady, “is there a fire lit yet in the Wild-goose? I am sorry, madam, all my best rooms are full. Several people of the first quality are now in bed. Here's a great young squire, and many other great gentlefolks of quality.” Susan answered, “That the Irish gentlemen were got into the Wild-goose.” “Was ever anything like it?” says the mistress; “why the devil would you not keep some of the best rooms for the quality, when you know scarce a day passes without some calling here?----If they be gentlemen, I am certain, when they know it is for her ladyship, they will get up again.” “Not upon my account,” says the lady; “I will have no person disturbed for me. If you have a room that is commonly decent, it will serve me very well, though it be never so plain. I beg, madam, you will not give yourself so much trouble on my account.” “O, madam!” cries the other, “I have several very good rooms for that matter, but none good enough for your honour's ladyship. However, as you are so condescending to take up with the best I have, do, Susan, get a fire in the Rose this minute. Will your ladyship be pleased to go up now, or stay till the fire is lighted?” “I think I have sufficiently warmed myself,” answered the lady; “so, if you please, I will go now; I am afraid I have kept people, and particularly that gentleman (meaning Partridge), too long in the cold already. Indeed, I cannot bear to think of keeping any person from the fire this dreadful weather.”--She then departed with her maid, the landlady marching with two lighted candles before her. When that good woman returned, the conversation in the kitchen was all upon the charms of the young lady. There is indeed in perfect beauty a power which none almost can withstand; for my landlady, though she was not pleased at the negative given to the supper, declared she had never seen so lovely a creature. Partridge ran out into the most extravagant encomiums on her face, though he could not refrain from paying some compliments to the gold lace on her habit; the post-boy sung forth the praises of her goodness, which were likewise echoed by the other post-boy, who was now come in. “She's a true good lady, I warrant her,” says he; “for she hath mercy upon dumb creatures; for she asked me every now and tan upon the journey, if I did not think she should hurt the horses by riding too fast? and when she came in she charged me to give them as much corn as ever they would eat.” Such charms are there in affability, and so sure is it to attract the praises of all kinds of people. It may indeed be compared to the celebrated Mrs Hussey.[*] It is equally sure to set off every female perfection to the highest advantage, and to palliate and conceal every defect. A short reflection, which we could not forbear making in this place, where my reader hath seen the loveliness of an affable deportment; and truth will now oblige us to contrast it, by showing the reverse. [*] A celebrated mantua-maker in the Strand, famous for setting off the shapes of women.

Chapters

1. Chapter 1 2. BOOK I -- CONTAINING AS MUCH OF THE BIRTH OF THE FOUNDLING AS IS 3. Chapter i -- The introduction to the work, or bill of fare to the 4. Chapter ii -- A short description of squire Allworthy, and a fuller 5. Chapter iii -- An odd accident which befel Mr Allworthy at his return 6. Chapter iv -- The reader's neck brought into danger by a description; 7. Chapter v -- Containing a few common matters, with a very uncommon 8. Chapter vi -- Mrs Deborah is introduced into the parish with a 9. Chapter vii -- Containing such grave matter, that the reader cannot 10. Chapter viii -- A dialogue between Mesdames Bridget and Deborah; 11. Chapter x -- The hospitality of Allworthy; with a short sketch of the 12. Chapter xi -- Containing many rules, and some examples, concerning 13. Chapter xii -- Containing what the reader may, perhaps, expect to find 14. Chapter xiii -- Which concludes the first book; with an instance of 15. BOOK II -- CONTAINING SCENES OF MATRIMONIAL FELICITY IN DIFFERENT 16. Chapter i -- Showing what kind of a history this is; what it is like, 17. Chapter ii -- Religious cautions against showing too much favour to 18. Chapter iii -- The description of a domestic government founded upon 19. Chapter iv -- Containing one of the most bloody battles, or rather 20. Chapter v -- Containing much matter to exercise the judgment and 21. Chapter vi -- The trial of Partridge, the schoolmaster, for 22. Chapter vii -- A short sketch of that felicity which prudent couples 23. Chapter viii -- A receipt to regain the lost affections of a wife, 24. Chapter ix -- A proof of the infallibility of the foregoing receipt, 25. BOOK III -- CONTAINING THE MOST MEMORABLE TRANSACTIONS WHICH PASSED IN 26. Chapter ii -- The heroe of this great history appears with very bad 27. Chapter iii -- The character of Mr Square the philosopher, and of Mr 28. Chapter iv. 29. Chapter v. -- The opinions of the divine and the philosopher 30. Chapter vi -- Containing a better reason still for the 31. Chapter vii -- In which the author himself makes his appearance on the 32. Chapter viii -- A childish incident, in which, however, is seen a 33. Chapter ix -- Containing an incident of a more heinous kind, with the 34. Chapter x -- In which Master Blifil and Jones appear in different 35. Chapter ii -- A short hint of what we can do in the sublime, and a 36. Chapter iii -- Wherein the history goes back to commemorate a trifling 37. Chapter iv -- Containing such very deep and grave matters, that some 38. Chapter vi -- An apology for the insensibility of Mr Jones to all the 39. Chapter viii -- A battle sung by the muse in the Homerican style, and 40. Chapter x -- A story told by Mr Supple, the curate. The penetration of 41. Chapter xi -- The narrow escape of Molly Seagrim, with some 42. Chapter xii -- Containing much clearer matters; but which flowed from 43. Chapter xiii -- A dreadful accident which befel Sophia. The gallant 44. Chapter xiv -- The arrival of a surgeon.--His operations, and a long 45. BOOK V -- CONTAINING A PORTION OF TIME SOMEWHAT LONGER THAN HALF A 46. Chapter i -- Of the SERIOUS in writing, and for what purpose it is 47. Chapter ii -- In which Mr Jones receives many friendly visits during 48. Chapter iii -- Which all who have no heart will think to contain much 49. Chapter iv -- A little chapter, in which is contained a little 50. Chapter vi -- By comparing which with the former, the reader may 51. Chapter ix -- Which, among other things, may serve as a comment on 52. Chapter x -- Showing the truth of many observations of Ovid, and of 53. Chapter xi -- In which a simile in Mr Pope's period of a mile 54. Chapter xii -- In which is seen a more moving spectacle than all the 55. Chapter ii -- The character of Mrs Western. Her great learning and 56. Chapter v -- In which is related what passed between Sophia and her 57. Chapter vi -- Containing a dialogue between Sophia and Mrs Honour, 58. Chapter vii -- A picture of formal courtship in miniature, as it 59. Chapter xi -- A short chapter; but which contains sufficient matter to 60. Chapter xiii -- The behaviour of Sophia on the present occasion; which 61. Chapter xiv -- A short chapter, containing a short dialogue between 62. Chapter ii -- Containing a conversation which Mr Jones had with 63. Chapter vii -- A strange resolution of Sophia, and a more strange 64. Chapter viii -- Containing scenes of altercation, of no very uncommon 65. Chapter ix -- The wise demeanour of Mr Western in the character of a 66. Chapter x -- Containing several matters, natural enough perhaps, but 67. Chapter xiii -- Containing the great address of the landlady, the 68. Chapter xiv -- A most dreadful chapter indeed; and which few readers 69. Chapter i -- A wonderful long chapter concerning the marvellous; being 70. Chapter iv -- In which is introduced one of the pleasantest barbers 71. Chapter vi -- In which more of the talents of Mr Benjamin will appear, 72. Chapter vii -- Containing better reasons than any which have yet 73. Chapter viii -- Jones arrives at Gloucester, and goes to the Bell; the 74. Chapter ix -- Containing several dialogues between Jones and 75. Chapter x -- In which our travellers meet with a very extraordinary 76. Chapter xi -- In which the Man of the Hill begins to relate his 77. Chapter xv -- A brief history of Europe; and a curious discourse 78. Chapter i -- Of those who lawfully may, and of those who may not, 79. Chapter ii -- Containing a very surprizing adventure indeed, which Mr 80. Chapter iii -- The arrival of Mr Jones with his lady at the inn; with 81. Chapter iv -- In which the arrival of a man of war puts a final end to 82. Chapter v -- An apology for all heroes who have good stomachs, with a 83. Chapter vi -- A friendly conversation in the kitchen, which had a very 84. Chapter vii -- Containing a fuller account of Mrs Waters, and by what 85. Chapter i -- Containing instructions very necessary to be perused by 86. Chapter ii -- Containing the arrival of an Irish gentleman, with very 87. Chapter iii -- A dialogue between the landlady and Susan the 88. Chapter iv -- Containing infallible nostrums for procuring universal 89. Chapter v -- Showing who the amiable lady, and her unamiable maid, 90. Chapter vi -- Containing, among other things, the ingenuity of 91. Chapter vii -- In which are concluded the adventures that happened at 92. Chapter ii -- The adventures which Sophia met with after her leaving 93. Chapter iii -- A very short chapter, in which however is a sun, a 94. Chapter vi -- In which the mistake of the landlord throws Sophia into 95. Chapter viii -- A dreadful alarm in the inn, with the arrival of an 96. Chapter ix -- The morning introduced in some pretty writing. A 97. Chapter x -- Containing a hint or two concerning virtue, and a few 98. Chapter i -- Showing what is to be deemed plagiarism in a modern 99. Chapter ii -- In which, though the squire doth not find his daughter, 100. Chapter iii -- The departure of Jones from Upton, with what passed 101. Chapter v -- Containing more adventures which Mr Jones and his 102. Chapter vi -- From which it may be inferred that the best things are 103. Chapter vii -- Containing a remark or two of our own and many more of 104. Chapter viii -- In which fortune seems to have been in a better humour 105. Chapter xi -- The disasters which befel Jones on his departure for 106. Chapter xii -- Relates that Mr Jones continued his journey, contrary 107. Chapter xiv -- What happened to Mr Jones in his journey from St 108. Chapter iii -- A project of Mrs Fitzpatrick, and her visit to Lady 109. Chapter v -- An adventure which happened to Mr Jones at his lodgings, 110. Chapter vi -- What arrived while the company were at breakfast, with 111. Chapter viii -- Containing a scene of distress, which will appear very 112. Chapter ix -- Which treats of matters of a very different kind from 113. Chapter x -- A chapter which, though short, may draw tears from some 114. Chapter i -- An essay to prove that an author will write the better 115. Chapter ii -- Containing letters and other matters which attend 116. Chapter iv -- Which we hope will be very attentively perused by young 117. Chapter vi -- Containing a scene which we doubt not will affect all 118. Chapter viii -- What passed between Jones and old Mr Nightingale; with 119. Chapter iv -- By which it will appear how dangerous an advocate a lady 120. Chapter v -- Containing some matters which may affect, and others 121. Chapter x -- Consisting partly of facts, and partly of observations 122. Chapter ii -- A whimsical adventure which befel the squire, with the 123. Chapter v -- In which Jones receives a letter from Sophia, and goes to 124. Chapter vii -- In which Mr Western pays a visit to his sister, in 125. Chapter iii -- The arrival of Mr Western, with some matters concerning 126. Chapter iii -- Allworthy visits old Nightingale; with a strange 127. Chapter xii -- Approaching still nearer to the end. 128. BOOK I. 129. Chapter i. 130. Chapter ii. 131. Chapter iii. 132. Chapter iv. 133. Chapter v. 134. Chapter vi. 135. Chapter vii. 136. Chapter viii. 137. Chapter ix. 138. Chapter x. 139. Chapter xi. 140. Chapter xii. 141. Chapter xiii. 142. BOOK II. 143. Chapter i. 144. Chapter ii. 145. Chapter iii. 146. Chapter iv. 147. Chapter v. 148. Chapter vi. 149. Chapter vii. 150. Chapter viii. 151. Chapter ix. 152. BOOK III. 153. Chapter i. 154. Chapter ii. 155. Chapter iii. 156. Chapter iv. 157. Chapter v. 158. Chapter vi. 159. Chapter vii. 160. Chapter viii. 161. Chapter ix. 162. Chapter x. 163. BOOK IV. 164. Chapter i. 165. Chapter ii. 166. Chapter iii. 167. Chapter iv. 168. Chapter v. 169. Chapter vi. 170. Chapter vii. 171. Chapter viii. 172. Chapter ix. 173. Chapter x. 174. Chapter xi. 175. Chapter xii. 176. Chapter xiii. 177. Chapter xiv. 178. BOOK V. 179. Chapter i. 180. Chapter ii. 181. Chapter iii. 182. Chapter iv. 183. Chapter v. 184. Chapter vi. 185. Chapter vii. 186. Chapter viii. 187. Chapter ix. 188. Chapter x. 189. Chapter xi. 190. Chapter xii. 191. BOOK VI. 192. Chapter i. 193. Chapter ii. 194. Chapter iii. 195. Chapter iv. 196. Chapter v. 197. Chapter vi. 198. Chapter vii. 199. Chapter viii. 200. Chapter ix. 201. Chapter x. 202. Chapter xi. 203. Chapter xii. 204. Chapter xiii. 205. Chapter xiv. 206. BOOK VII. 207. Chapter i. 208. Chapter ii. 209. Chapter iii. 210. Chapter iv. 211. Chapter v. 212. Chapter vi. 213. Chapter vii. 214. Chapter viii. 215. Chapter ix. 216. Chapter x. 217. Chapter xi. 218. Chapter xii. 219. Chapter xiii. 220. Chapter xiv. 221. Chapter xv. 222. BOOK VIII. 223. Chapter i. 224. Chapter ii. 225. Chapter iii. 226. Chapter iv. 227. Chapter v. 228. Chapter vi. 229. Chapter vii. 230. Chapter viii. 231. Chapter ix. 232. Chapter x. 233. Chapter xi. 234. 1657. My father was one of those whom they call gentlemen farmers. He 235. Chapter xii. 236. Chapter xiii. 237. Chapter xiv. 238. Chapter xv. 239. BOOK IX. 240. Chapter i. 241. Chapter ii. 242. Chapter iii. 243. Chapter iv. 244. Chapter v. 245. Chapter vi. 246. Chapter vii. 247. BOOK X. 248. Chapter i. 249. Chapter ii. 250. Chapter iii. 251. Chapter iv. 252. Chapter v. 253. Chapter vi. 254. Chapter vii. 255. Chapter viii. 256. Chapter ix. 257. BOOK XI. 258. Chapter i. 259. Chapter ii. 260. Chapter iii. 261. Chapter iv. 262. Chapter v. 263. Chapter vi. 264. Chapter vii. 265. Chapter viii. 266. Chapter ix. 267. Chapter x. 268. BOOK XII. 269. Chapter i. 270. Chapter ii. 271. Chapter iii. 272. Chapter iv. 273. Chapter v. 274. Chapter vi. 275. Chapter vii. 276. Chapter viii. 277. Chapter ix. 278. Chapter x. 279. Chapter xi. 280. Chapter xii. 281. Chapter xiii. 282. Chapter xiv. 283. BOOK XIII. 284. Chapter i. 285. Chapter ii. 286. Chapter iii. 287. Chapter iv. 288. Chapter v. 289. Chapter vi. 290. Chapter vii. 291. Chapter viii. 292. Chapter ix. 293. Chapter x. 294. Chapter xi. 295. Chapter xii. 296. BOOK XIV. 297. Chapter i. 298. Chapter ii. 299. Chapter iii. 300. introduction, began the following speech:--“I am very sorry, sir, to 301. Chapter iv. 302. Chapter v. 303. Chapter vi. 304. Chapter vii. 305. Chapter viii. 306. Chapter ix. 307. Chapter x. 308. BOOK XV. 309. Chapter i. 310. Chapter ii. 311. Chapter iii. 312. Chapter iv. 313. Chapter v. 314. Chapter vi. 315. Chapter vii. 316. Chapter viii. 317. Chapter ix. 318. Chapter x. 319. Chapter xi. 320. Chapter xii. 321. BOOK XVI. 322. Chapter i. 323. Chapter ii. 324. Chapter iii. 325. Chapter iv. 326. Chapter v. 327. Chapter vi. 328. Chapter vii. 329. Chapter viii. 330. Chapter ix. 331. Chapter x. 332. BOOK XVII. 333. Chapter i. 334. Chapter ii. 335. Chapter iii. 336. Chapter iv. 337. Chapter v. 338. Chapter vi. 339. Chapter vii. 340. Chapter viii. 341. Chapter ix. 342. BOOK XVIII. 343. Chapter i. 344. Chapter ii. 345. Chapter iii. 346. Chapter iv. 347. Chapter v. 348. Chapter vi. 349. Chapter vii. 350. Chapter viii. 351. Chapter ix. 352. Chapter x. 353. Chapter xi. 354. Chapter xii.

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