History of Tom Jones, a Foundling by Henry Fielding

Chapter v.

1672 words | Chapter 227

A dialogue between Mr Jones and the barber. This conversation passed partly while Jones was at dinner in his dungeon, and partly while he was expecting the barber in the parlour. And, as soon as it was ended, Mr Benjamin, as we have said, attended him, and was very kindly desired to sit down. Jones then filling out a glass of wine, drank his health by the appellation of _doctissime tonsorum_. “_Ago tibi gratias, domine_” said the barber; and then looking very steadfastly at Jones, he said, with great gravity, and with a seeming surprize, as if he had recollected a face he had seen before, “Sir, may I crave the favour to know if your name is not Jones?” To which the other answered, “That it was.”--“_Proh deum atque hominum fidem_!” says the barber; “how strangely things come to pass! Mr Jones, I am your most obedient servant. I find you do not know me, which indeed is no wonder, since you never saw me but once, and then you was very young. Pray, sir, how doth the good Squire Allworthy? how doth _ille optimus omnium patronus_?”--“I find,” said Jones, “you do indeed know me; but I have not the like happiness of recollecting you.”--“I do not wonder at that,” cries Benjamin; “but I am surprized I did not know you sooner, for you are not in the least altered. And pray, sir, may I, without offence, enquire whither you are travelling this way?”--“Fill the glass, Mr Barber,” said Jones, “and ask no more questions.”--“Nay, sir,” answered Benjamin, “I would not be troublesome; and I hope you don't think me a man of an impertinent curiosity, for that is a vice which nobody can lay to my charge; but I ask pardon; for when a gentleman of your figure travels without his servants, we may suppose him to be, as we say, _in casu incognito_, and perhaps I ought not to have mentioned your name.”--“I own,” says Jones, “I did not expect to have been so well known in this country as I find I am; yet, for particular reasons, I shall be obliged to you if you will not mention my name to any other person till I am gone from hence.”--“_Pauca verba_,” answered the barber;” and I wish no other here knew you but myself; for some people have tongues; but I promise you I can keep a secret. My enemies will allow me that virtue.”--“And yet that is not the characteristic of your profession, Mr Barber,” answered Jones. “Alas! sir,” replied Benjamin, “_Non si male nunc et olim sic erit_. I was not born nor bred a barber, I assure you. I have spent most of my time among gentlemen, and though I say it, I understand something of gentility. And if you had thought me as worthy of your confidence as you have some other people, I should have shown you I could have kept a secret better. I should not have degraded your name in a public kitchen; for indeed, sir, some people have not used you well; for besides making a public proclamation of what you told them of a quarrel between yourself and Squire Allworthy, they added lies of their own, things which I knew to be lies.”--“You surprize me greatly,” cries Jones. “Upon my word, sir,” answered Benjamin, “I tell the truth, and I need not tell you my landlady was the person. I am sure it moved me to hear the story, and I hope it is all false; for I have a great respect for you, I do assure you I have, and have had ever since the good-nature you showed to Black George, which was talked of all over the country, and I received more than one letter about it. Indeed, it made you beloved by everybody. You will pardon me, therefore; for it was real concern at what I heard made me ask many questions; for I have no impertinent curiosity about me: but I love good-nature and thence became _amoris abundantia erga te_.” Every profession of friendship easily gains credit with the miserable; it is no wonder therefore, if Jones, who, besides his being miserable, was extremely open-hearted, very readily believed all the professions of Benjamin, and received him into his bosom. The scraps of Latin, some of which Benjamin applied properly enough, though it did not savour of profound literature, seemed yet to indicate something superior to a common barber; and so indeed did his whole behaviour. Jones therefore believed the truth of what he had said, as to his original and education; and at length, after much entreaty, he said, “Since you have heard, my friend, so much of my affairs, and seem so desirous to know the truth, if you will have patience to hear it, I will inform you of the whole.”--“Patience!” cries Benjamin, “that I will, if the chapter was never so long; and I am very much obliged to you for the honour you do me.” Jones now began, and related the whole history, forgetting only a circumstance or two, namely, everything which passed on that day in which he had fought with Thwackum; and ended with his resolution to go to sea, till the rebellion in the North had made him change his purpose, and had brought him to the place where he then was. Little Benjamin, who had been all attention, never once interrupted the narrative; but when it was ended he could not help observing, that there must be surely something more invented by his enemies, and told Mr Allworthy against him, or so good a man would never have dismissed one he had loved so tenderly, in such a manner. To which Jones answered, “He doubted not but such villanous arts had been made use of to destroy him.” And surely it was scarce possible for any one to have avoided making the same remark with the barber, who had not indeed heard from Jones one single circumstance upon which he was condemned; for his actions were not now placed in those injurious lights in which they had been misrepresented to Allworthy; nor could he mention those many false accusations which had been from time to time preferred against him to Allworthy: for with none of these he was himself acquainted. He had likewise, as we have observed, omitted many material facts in his present relation. Upon the whole, indeed, everything now appeared in such favourable colours to Jones, that malice itself would have found it no easy matter to fix any blame upon him. Not that Jones desired to conceal or to disguise the truth; nay, he would have been more unwilling to have suffered any censure to fall on Mr Allworthy for punishing him, than on his own actions for deserving it; but, in reality, so it happened, and so it always will happen; for let a man be never so honest, the account of his own conduct will, in spite of himself, be so very favourable, that his vices will come purified through his lips, and, like foul liquors well strained, will leave all their foulness behind. For though the facts themselves may appear, yet so different will be the motives, circumstances, and consequences, when a man tells his own story, and when his enemy tells it, that we scarce can recognise the facts to be one and the same. Though the barber had drank down this story with greedy ears, he was not yet satisfied. There was a circumstance behind which his curiosity, cold as it was, most eagerly longed for. Jones had mentioned the fact of his amour, and of his being the rival of Blifil, but had cautiously concealed the name of the young lady. The barber, therefore, after some hesitation, and many hums and hahs, at last begged leave to crave the name of the lady, who appeared to be the principal cause of all this mischief. Jones paused a moment, and then said, “Since I have trusted you with so much, and since, I am afraid, her name is become too publick already on this occasion, I will not conceal it from you. Her name is Sophia Western.” “_Proh deum atque hominum fidem_! Squire Western hath a daughter grown a woman!”--“Ay, and such a woman,” cries Jones, “that the world cannot match. No eye ever saw anything so beautiful; but that is her least excellence. Such sense! such goodness! Oh, I could praise her for ever, and yet should omit half her virtues!”--“Mr Western a daughter grown up!” cries the barber: “I remember the father a boy; well, _Tempus edax rerum_.” The wine being now at an end, the barber pressed very eagerly to be his bottle; but Jones absolutely refused, saying, “He had already drank more than he ought: and that he now chose to retire to his room, where he wished he could procure himself a book.”--“A book!” cries Benjamin; “what book would you have? Latin or English? I have some curious books in both languages; such as _Erasmi Colloquia, Ovid de Tristibus, Gradus ad Parnassum;_ and in English I have several of the best books, though some of them are a little torn; but I have a great part of Stowe's Chronicle; the sixth volume of Pope's Homer; the third volume of the Spectator; the second volume of Echard's Roman History; the Craftsman; Robinson Crusoe; Thomas a Kempis; and two volumes of Tom Brown's Works.” “Those last,” cries Jones, “are books I never saw, so if you please lend me one of those volumes.” The barber assured him he would be highly entertained, for he looked upon the author to have been one of the greatest wits that ever the nation produced. He then stepped to his house, which was hard by, and immediately returned; after which, the barber having received very strict injunctions of secrecy from Jones, and having sworn inviolably to maintain it, they separated; the barber went home, and Jones retired to his chamber.

Chapters

1. Chapter 1 2. BOOK I -- CONTAINING AS MUCH OF THE BIRTH OF THE FOUNDLING AS IS 3. Chapter i -- The introduction to the work, or bill of fare to the 4. Chapter ii -- A short description of squire Allworthy, and a fuller 5. Chapter iii -- An odd accident which befel Mr Allworthy at his return 6. Chapter iv -- The reader's neck brought into danger by a description; 7. Chapter v -- Containing a few common matters, with a very uncommon 8. Chapter vi -- Mrs Deborah is introduced into the parish with a 9. Chapter vii -- Containing such grave matter, that the reader cannot 10. Chapter viii -- A dialogue between Mesdames Bridget and Deborah; 11. Chapter x -- The hospitality of Allworthy; with a short sketch of the 12. Chapter xi -- Containing many rules, and some examples, concerning 13. Chapter xii -- Containing what the reader may, perhaps, expect to find 14. Chapter xiii -- Which concludes the first book; with an instance of 15. BOOK II -- CONTAINING SCENES OF MATRIMONIAL FELICITY IN DIFFERENT 16. Chapter i -- Showing what kind of a history this is; what it is like, 17. Chapter ii -- Religious cautions against showing too much favour to 18. Chapter iii -- The description of a domestic government founded upon 19. Chapter iv -- Containing one of the most bloody battles, or rather 20. Chapter v -- Containing much matter to exercise the judgment and 21. Chapter vi -- The trial of Partridge, the schoolmaster, for 22. Chapter vii -- A short sketch of that felicity which prudent couples 23. Chapter viii -- A receipt to regain the lost affections of a wife, 24. Chapter ix -- A proof of the infallibility of the foregoing receipt, 25. BOOK III -- CONTAINING THE MOST MEMORABLE TRANSACTIONS WHICH PASSED IN 26. Chapter ii -- The heroe of this great history appears with very bad 27. Chapter iii -- The character of Mr Square the philosopher, and of Mr 28. Chapter iv. 29. Chapter v. -- The opinions of the divine and the philosopher 30. Chapter vi -- Containing a better reason still for the 31. Chapter vii -- In which the author himself makes his appearance on the 32. Chapter viii -- A childish incident, in which, however, is seen a 33. Chapter ix -- Containing an incident of a more heinous kind, with the 34. Chapter x -- In which Master Blifil and Jones appear in different 35. Chapter ii -- A short hint of what we can do in the sublime, and a 36. Chapter iii -- Wherein the history goes back to commemorate a trifling 37. Chapter iv -- Containing such very deep and grave matters, that some 38. Chapter vi -- An apology for the insensibility of Mr Jones to all the 39. Chapter viii -- A battle sung by the muse in the Homerican style, and 40. Chapter x -- A story told by Mr Supple, the curate. The penetration of 41. Chapter xi -- The narrow escape of Molly Seagrim, with some 42. Chapter xii -- Containing much clearer matters; but which flowed from 43. Chapter xiii -- A dreadful accident which befel Sophia. The gallant 44. Chapter xiv -- The arrival of a surgeon.--His operations, and a long 45. BOOK V -- CONTAINING A PORTION OF TIME SOMEWHAT LONGER THAN HALF A 46. Chapter i -- Of the SERIOUS in writing, and for what purpose it is 47. Chapter ii -- In which Mr Jones receives many friendly visits during 48. Chapter iii -- Which all who have no heart will think to contain much 49. Chapter iv -- A little chapter, in which is contained a little 50. Chapter vi -- By comparing which with the former, the reader may 51. Chapter ix -- Which, among other things, may serve as a comment on 52. Chapter x -- Showing the truth of many observations of Ovid, and of 53. Chapter xi -- In which a simile in Mr Pope's period of a mile 54. Chapter xii -- In which is seen a more moving spectacle than all the 55. Chapter ii -- The character of Mrs Western. Her great learning and 56. Chapter v -- In which is related what passed between Sophia and her 57. Chapter vi -- Containing a dialogue between Sophia and Mrs Honour, 58. Chapter vii -- A picture of formal courtship in miniature, as it 59. Chapter xi -- A short chapter; but which contains sufficient matter to 60. Chapter xiii -- The behaviour of Sophia on the present occasion; which 61. Chapter xiv -- A short chapter, containing a short dialogue between 62. Chapter ii -- Containing a conversation which Mr Jones had with 63. Chapter vii -- A strange resolution of Sophia, and a more strange 64. Chapter viii -- Containing scenes of altercation, of no very uncommon 65. Chapter ix -- The wise demeanour of Mr Western in the character of a 66. Chapter x -- Containing several matters, natural enough perhaps, but 67. Chapter xiii -- Containing the great address of the landlady, the 68. Chapter xiv -- A most dreadful chapter indeed; and which few readers 69. Chapter i -- A wonderful long chapter concerning the marvellous; being 70. Chapter iv -- In which is introduced one of the pleasantest barbers 71. Chapter vi -- In which more of the talents of Mr Benjamin will appear, 72. Chapter vii -- Containing better reasons than any which have yet 73. Chapter viii -- Jones arrives at Gloucester, and goes to the Bell; the 74. Chapter ix -- Containing several dialogues between Jones and 75. Chapter x -- In which our travellers meet with a very extraordinary 76. Chapter xi -- In which the Man of the Hill begins to relate his 77. Chapter xv -- A brief history of Europe; and a curious discourse 78. Chapter i -- Of those who lawfully may, and of those who may not, 79. Chapter ii -- Containing a very surprizing adventure indeed, which Mr 80. Chapter iii -- The arrival of Mr Jones with his lady at the inn; with 81. Chapter iv -- In which the arrival of a man of war puts a final end to 82. Chapter v -- An apology for all heroes who have good stomachs, with a 83. Chapter vi -- A friendly conversation in the kitchen, which had a very 84. Chapter vii -- Containing a fuller account of Mrs Waters, and by what 85. Chapter i -- Containing instructions very necessary to be perused by 86. Chapter ii -- Containing the arrival of an Irish gentleman, with very 87. Chapter iii -- A dialogue between the landlady and Susan the 88. Chapter iv -- Containing infallible nostrums for procuring universal 89. Chapter v -- Showing who the amiable lady, and her unamiable maid, 90. Chapter vi -- Containing, among other things, the ingenuity of 91. Chapter vii -- In which are concluded the adventures that happened at 92. Chapter ii -- The adventures which Sophia met with after her leaving 93. Chapter iii -- A very short chapter, in which however is a sun, a 94. Chapter vi -- In which the mistake of the landlord throws Sophia into 95. Chapter viii -- A dreadful alarm in the inn, with the arrival of an 96. Chapter ix -- The morning introduced in some pretty writing. A 97. Chapter x -- Containing a hint or two concerning virtue, and a few 98. Chapter i -- Showing what is to be deemed plagiarism in a modern 99. Chapter ii -- In which, though the squire doth not find his daughter, 100. Chapter iii -- The departure of Jones from Upton, with what passed 101. Chapter v -- Containing more adventures which Mr Jones and his 102. Chapter vi -- From which it may be inferred that the best things are 103. Chapter vii -- Containing a remark or two of our own and many more of 104. Chapter viii -- In which fortune seems to have been in a better humour 105. Chapter xi -- The disasters which befel Jones on his departure for 106. Chapter xii -- Relates that Mr Jones continued his journey, contrary 107. Chapter xiv -- What happened to Mr Jones in his journey from St 108. Chapter iii -- A project of Mrs Fitzpatrick, and her visit to Lady 109. Chapter v -- An adventure which happened to Mr Jones at his lodgings, 110. Chapter vi -- What arrived while the company were at breakfast, with 111. Chapter viii -- Containing a scene of distress, which will appear very 112. Chapter ix -- Which treats of matters of a very different kind from 113. Chapter x -- A chapter which, though short, may draw tears from some 114. Chapter i -- An essay to prove that an author will write the better 115. Chapter ii -- Containing letters and other matters which attend 116. Chapter iv -- Which we hope will be very attentively perused by young 117. Chapter vi -- Containing a scene which we doubt not will affect all 118. Chapter viii -- What passed between Jones and old Mr Nightingale; with 119. Chapter iv -- By which it will appear how dangerous an advocate a lady 120. Chapter v -- Containing some matters which may affect, and others 121. Chapter x -- Consisting partly of facts, and partly of observations 122. Chapter ii -- A whimsical adventure which befel the squire, with the 123. Chapter v -- In which Jones receives a letter from Sophia, and goes to 124. Chapter vii -- In which Mr Western pays a visit to his sister, in 125. Chapter iii -- The arrival of Mr Western, with some matters concerning 126. Chapter iii -- Allworthy visits old Nightingale; with a strange 127. Chapter xii -- Approaching still nearer to the end. 128. BOOK I. 129. Chapter i. 130. Chapter ii. 131. Chapter iii. 132. Chapter iv. 133. Chapter v. 134. Chapter vi. 135. Chapter vii. 136. Chapter viii. 137. Chapter ix. 138. Chapter x. 139. Chapter xi. 140. Chapter xii. 141. Chapter xiii. 142. BOOK II. 143. Chapter i. 144. Chapter ii. 145. Chapter iii. 146. Chapter iv. 147. Chapter v. 148. Chapter vi. 149. Chapter vii. 150. Chapter viii. 151. Chapter ix. 152. BOOK III. 153. Chapter i. 154. Chapter ii. 155. Chapter iii. 156. Chapter iv. 157. Chapter v. 158. Chapter vi. 159. Chapter vii. 160. Chapter viii. 161. Chapter ix. 162. Chapter x. 163. BOOK IV. 164. Chapter i. 165. Chapter ii. 166. Chapter iii. 167. Chapter iv. 168. Chapter v. 169. Chapter vi. 170. Chapter vii. 171. Chapter viii. 172. Chapter ix. 173. Chapter x. 174. Chapter xi. 175. Chapter xii. 176. Chapter xiii. 177. Chapter xiv. 178. BOOK V. 179. Chapter i. 180. Chapter ii. 181. Chapter iii. 182. Chapter iv. 183. Chapter v. 184. Chapter vi. 185. Chapter vii. 186. Chapter viii. 187. Chapter ix. 188. Chapter x. 189. Chapter xi. 190. Chapter xii. 191. BOOK VI. 192. Chapter i. 193. Chapter ii. 194. Chapter iii. 195. Chapter iv. 196. Chapter v. 197. Chapter vi. 198. Chapter vii. 199. Chapter viii. 200. Chapter ix. 201. Chapter x. 202. Chapter xi. 203. Chapter xii. 204. Chapter xiii. 205. Chapter xiv. 206. BOOK VII. 207. Chapter i. 208. Chapter ii. 209. Chapter iii. 210. Chapter iv. 211. Chapter v. 212. Chapter vi. 213. Chapter vii. 214. Chapter viii. 215. Chapter ix. 216. Chapter x. 217. Chapter xi. 218. Chapter xii. 219. Chapter xiii. 220. Chapter xiv. 221. Chapter xv. 222. BOOK VIII. 223. Chapter i. 224. Chapter ii. 225. Chapter iii. 226. Chapter iv. 227. Chapter v. 228. Chapter vi. 229. Chapter vii. 230. Chapter viii. 231. Chapter ix. 232. Chapter x. 233. Chapter xi. 234. 1657. My father was one of those whom they call gentlemen farmers. He 235. Chapter xii. 236. Chapter xiii. 237. Chapter xiv. 238. Chapter xv. 239. BOOK IX. 240. Chapter i. 241. Chapter ii. 242. Chapter iii. 243. Chapter iv. 244. Chapter v. 245. Chapter vi. 246. Chapter vii. 247. BOOK X. 248. Chapter i. 249. Chapter ii. 250. Chapter iii. 251. Chapter iv. 252. Chapter v. 253. Chapter vi. 254. Chapter vii. 255. Chapter viii. 256. Chapter ix. 257. BOOK XI. 258. Chapter i. 259. Chapter ii. 260. Chapter iii. 261. Chapter iv. 262. Chapter v. 263. Chapter vi. 264. Chapter vii. 265. Chapter viii. 266. Chapter ix. 267. Chapter x. 268. BOOK XII. 269. Chapter i. 270. Chapter ii. 271. Chapter iii. 272. Chapter iv. 273. Chapter v. 274. Chapter vi. 275. Chapter vii. 276. Chapter viii. 277. Chapter ix. 278. Chapter x. 279. Chapter xi. 280. Chapter xii. 281. Chapter xiii. 282. Chapter xiv. 283. BOOK XIII. 284. Chapter i. 285. Chapter ii. 286. Chapter iii. 287. Chapter iv. 288. Chapter v. 289. Chapter vi. 290. Chapter vii. 291. Chapter viii. 292. Chapter ix. 293. Chapter x. 294. Chapter xi. 295. Chapter xii. 296. BOOK XIV. 297. Chapter i. 298. Chapter ii. 299. Chapter iii. 300. introduction, began the following speech:--“I am very sorry, sir, to 301. Chapter iv. 302. Chapter v. 303. Chapter vi. 304. Chapter vii. 305. Chapter viii. 306. Chapter ix. 307. Chapter x. 308. BOOK XV. 309. Chapter i. 310. Chapter ii. 311. Chapter iii. 312. Chapter iv. 313. Chapter v. 314. Chapter vi. 315. Chapter vii. 316. Chapter viii. 317. Chapter ix. 318. Chapter x. 319. Chapter xi. 320. Chapter xii. 321. BOOK XVI. 322. Chapter i. 323. Chapter ii. 324. Chapter iii. 325. Chapter iv. 326. Chapter v. 327. Chapter vi. 328. Chapter vii. 329. Chapter viii. 330. Chapter ix. 331. Chapter x. 332. BOOK XVII. 333. Chapter i. 334. Chapter ii. 335. Chapter iii. 336. Chapter iv. 337. Chapter v. 338. Chapter vi. 339. Chapter vii. 340. Chapter viii. 341. Chapter ix. 342. BOOK XVIII. 343. Chapter i. 344. Chapter ii. 345. Chapter iii. 346. Chapter iv. 347. Chapter v. 348. Chapter vi. 349. Chapter vii. 350. Chapter viii. 351. Chapter ix. 352. Chapter x. 353. Chapter xi. 354. Chapter xii.

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