History of Tom Jones, a Foundling by Henry Fielding

Chapter v.

1760 words | Chapter 244

An apology for all heroes who have good stomachs, with a description of a battle of the amorous kind. Heroes, notwithstanding the high ideas which, by the means of flatterers, they may entertain of themselves, or the world may conceive of them, have certainly more of mortal than divine about them. However elevated their minds may be, their bodies at least (which is much the major part of most) are liable to the worst infirmities, and subject to the vilest offices of human nature. Among these latter, the act of eating, which hath by several wise men been considered as extremely mean and derogatory from the philosophic dignity, must be in some measure performed by the greatest prince, heroe, or philosopher upon earth; nay, sometimes Nature hath been so frolicsome as to exact of these dignified characters a much more exorbitant share of this office than she hath obliged those of the lowest order to perform. To say the truth, as no known inhabitant of this globe is really more than man, so none need be ashamed of submitting to what the necessities of man demand; but when those great personages I have just mentioned condescend to aim at confining such low offices to themselves--as when, by hoarding or destroying, they seem desirous to prevent any others from eating--then they surely become very low and despicable. Now, after this short preface, we think it no disparagement to our heroe to mention the immoderate ardour with which he laid about him at this season. Indeed, it may be doubted whether Ulysses, who by the way seems to have had the best stomach of all the heroes in that eating poem of the Odyssey, ever made a better meal. Three pounds at least of that flesh which formerly had contributed to the composition of an ox was now honoured with becoming part of the individual Mr Jones. This particular we thought ourselves obliged to mention, as it may account for our heroe's temporary neglect of his fair companion, who eat but very little, and was indeed employed in considerations of a very different nature, which passed unobserved by Jones, till he had entirely satisfied that appetite which a fast of twenty-four hours had procured him; but his dinner was no sooner ended than his attention to other matters revived; with these matters therefore we shall now proceed to acquaint the reader. Mr Jones, of whose personal accomplishments we have hitherto said very little, was, in reality, one of the handsomest young fellows in the world. His face, besides being the picture of health, had in it the most apparent marks of sweetness and good-nature. These qualities were indeed so characteristical in his countenance, that, while the spirit and sensibility in his eyes, though they must have been perceived by an accurate observer, might have escaped the notice of the less discerning, so strongly was this good-nature painted in his look, that it was remarked by almost every one who saw him. It was, perhaps, as much owing to this as to a very fine complexion that his face had a delicacy in it almost inexpressible, and which might have given him an air rather too effeminate, had it not been joined to a most masculine person and mien: which latter had as much in them of the Hercules as the former had of the Adonis. He was besides active, genteel, gay, and good-humoured; and had a flow of animal spirits which enlivened every conversation where he was present. When the reader hath duly reflected on these many charms which all centered in our heroe, and considers at the same time the fresh obligations which Mrs Waters had to him, it will be a mark more of prudery than candour to entertain a bad opinion of her because she conceived a very good opinion of him. But, whatever censures may be passed upon her, it is my business to relate matters of fact with veracity. Mrs Waters had, in truth, not only a good opinion of our heroe, but a very great affection for him. To speak out boldly at once, she was in love, according to the present universally-received sense of that phrase, by which love is applied indiscriminately to the desirable objects of all our passions, appetites, and senses, and is understood to be that preference which we give to one kind of food rather than to another. But though the love to these several objects may possibly be one and the same in all cases, its operations however must be allowed to be different; for, how much soever we may be in love with an excellent surloin of beef, or bottle of Burgundy; with a damask rose, or Cremona fiddle; yet do we never smile, nor ogle, nor dress, nor flatter, nor endeavour by any other arts or tricks to gain the affection of the said beef, &c. Sigh indeed we sometimes may; but it is generally in the absence, not in the presence, of the beloved object. For otherwise we might possibly complain of their ingratitude and deafness, with the same reason as Pasiphae doth of her bull, whom she endeavoured to engage by all the coquetry practised with good success in the drawing-room on the much more sensible as well as tender hearts of the fine gentlemen there. The contrary happens in that love which operates between persons of the same species, but of different sexes. Here we are no sooner in love than it becomes our principal care to engage the affection of the object beloved. For what other purpose indeed are our youth instructed in all the arts of rendering themselves agreeable? If it was not with a view to this love, I question whether any of those trades which deal in setting off and adorning the human person would procure a livelihood. Nay, those great polishers of our manners, who are by some thought to teach what principally distinguishes us from the brute creation, even dancing-masters themselves, might possibly find no place in society. In short, all the graces which young ladies and young gentlemen too learn from others, and the many improvements which, by the help of a looking-glass, they add of their own, are in reality those very _spicula et faces amoris_ so often mentioned by Ovid; or, as they are sometimes called in our own language, the whole artillery of love. Now Mrs Waters and our heroe had no sooner sat down together than the former began to play this artillery upon the latter. But here, as we are about to attempt a description hitherto unassayed either in prose or verse, we think proper to invoke the assistance of certain aërial beings, who will, we doubt not, come kindly to our aid on this occasion. “Say then, ye Graces! you that inhabit the heavenly mansions of Seraphina's countenance; for you are truly divine, are always in her presence, and well know all the arts of charming; say, what were the weapons now used to captivate the heart of Mr Jones.” “First, from two lovely blue eyes, whose bright orbs flashed lightning at their discharge, flew forth two pointed ogles; but, happily for our heroe, hit only a vast piece of beef which he was then conveying into his plate, and harmless spent their force. The fair warrior perceived their miscarriage, and immediately from her fair bosom drew forth a deadly sigh. A sigh which none could have heard unmoved, and which was sufficient at once to have swept off a dozen beaus; so soft, so sweet, so tender, that the insinuating air must have found its subtle way to the heart of our heroe, had it not luckily been driven from his ears by the coarse bubbling of some bottled ale, which at that time he was pouring forth. Many other weapons did she assay; but the god of eating (if there be any such deity, for I do not confidently assert it) preserved his votary; or perhaps it may not be _dignus vindice nodus_, and the present security of Jones may be accounted for by natural means; for as love frequently preserves from the attacks of hunger, so may hunger possibly, in some cases, defend us against love. “The fair one, enraged at her frequent disappointments, determined on a short cessation of arms. Which interval she employed in making ready every engine of amorous warfare for the renewing of the attack when dinner should be over. “No sooner then was the cloth removed than she again began her operations. First, having planted her right eye sidewise against Mr Jones, she shot from its corner a most penetrating glance; which, though great part of its force was spent before it reached our heroe, did not vent itself absolutely without effect. This the fair one perceiving, hastily withdrew her eyes, and levelled them downwards, as if she was concerned for what she had done; though by this means she designed only to draw him from his guard, and indeed to open his eyes, through which she intended to surprize his heart. And now, gently lifting up those two bright orbs which had already begun to make an impression on poor Jones, she discharged a volley of small charms at once from her whole countenance in a smile. Not a smile of mirth, nor of joy; but a smile of affection, which most ladies have always ready at their command, and which serves them to show at once their good-humour, their pretty dimples, and their white teeth. “This smile our heroe received full in his eyes, and was immediately staggered with its force. He then began to see the designs of the enemy, and indeed to feel their success. A parley now was set on foot between the parties; during which the artful fair so slily and imperceptibly carried on her attack, that she had almost subdued the heart of our heroe before she again repaired to acts of hostility. To confess the truth, I am afraid Mr Jones maintained a kind of Dutch defence, and treacherously delivered up the garrison, without duly weighing his allegiance to the fair Sophia. In short, no sooner had the amorous parley ended and the lady had unmasked the royal battery, by carelessly letting her handkerchief drop from her neck, than the heart of Mr Jones was entirely taken, and the fair conqueror enjoyed the usual fruits of her victory.” Here the Graces think proper to end their description, and here we think proper to end the chapter.

Chapters

1. Chapter 1 2. BOOK I -- CONTAINING AS MUCH OF THE BIRTH OF THE FOUNDLING AS IS 3. Chapter i -- The introduction to the work, or bill of fare to the 4. Chapter ii -- A short description of squire Allworthy, and a fuller 5. Chapter iii -- An odd accident which befel Mr Allworthy at his return 6. Chapter iv -- The reader's neck brought into danger by a description; 7. Chapter v -- Containing a few common matters, with a very uncommon 8. Chapter vi -- Mrs Deborah is introduced into the parish with a 9. Chapter vii -- Containing such grave matter, that the reader cannot 10. Chapter viii -- A dialogue between Mesdames Bridget and Deborah; 11. Chapter x -- The hospitality of Allworthy; with a short sketch of the 12. Chapter xi -- Containing many rules, and some examples, concerning 13. Chapter xii -- Containing what the reader may, perhaps, expect to find 14. Chapter xiii -- Which concludes the first book; with an instance of 15. BOOK II -- CONTAINING SCENES OF MATRIMONIAL FELICITY IN DIFFERENT 16. Chapter i -- Showing what kind of a history this is; what it is like, 17. Chapter ii -- Religious cautions against showing too much favour to 18. Chapter iii -- The description of a domestic government founded upon 19. Chapter iv -- Containing one of the most bloody battles, or rather 20. Chapter v -- Containing much matter to exercise the judgment and 21. Chapter vi -- The trial of Partridge, the schoolmaster, for 22. Chapter vii -- A short sketch of that felicity which prudent couples 23. Chapter viii -- A receipt to regain the lost affections of a wife, 24. Chapter ix -- A proof of the infallibility of the foregoing receipt, 25. BOOK III -- CONTAINING THE MOST MEMORABLE TRANSACTIONS WHICH PASSED IN 26. Chapter ii -- The heroe of this great history appears with very bad 27. Chapter iii -- The character of Mr Square the philosopher, and of Mr 28. Chapter iv. 29. Chapter v. -- The opinions of the divine and the philosopher 30. Chapter vi -- Containing a better reason still for the 31. Chapter vii -- In which the author himself makes his appearance on the 32. Chapter viii -- A childish incident, in which, however, is seen a 33. Chapter ix -- Containing an incident of a more heinous kind, with the 34. Chapter x -- In which Master Blifil and Jones appear in different 35. Chapter ii -- A short hint of what we can do in the sublime, and a 36. Chapter iii -- Wherein the history goes back to commemorate a trifling 37. Chapter iv -- Containing such very deep and grave matters, that some 38. Chapter vi -- An apology for the insensibility of Mr Jones to all the 39. Chapter viii -- A battle sung by the muse in the Homerican style, and 40. Chapter x -- A story told by Mr Supple, the curate. The penetration of 41. Chapter xi -- The narrow escape of Molly Seagrim, with some 42. Chapter xii -- Containing much clearer matters; but which flowed from 43. Chapter xiii -- A dreadful accident which befel Sophia. The gallant 44. Chapter xiv -- The arrival of a surgeon.--His operations, and a long 45. BOOK V -- CONTAINING A PORTION OF TIME SOMEWHAT LONGER THAN HALF A 46. Chapter i -- Of the SERIOUS in writing, and for what purpose it is 47. Chapter ii -- In which Mr Jones receives many friendly visits during 48. Chapter iii -- Which all who have no heart will think to contain much 49. Chapter iv -- A little chapter, in which is contained a little 50. Chapter vi -- By comparing which with the former, the reader may 51. Chapter ix -- Which, among other things, may serve as a comment on 52. Chapter x -- Showing the truth of many observations of Ovid, and of 53. Chapter xi -- In which a simile in Mr Pope's period of a mile 54. Chapter xii -- In which is seen a more moving spectacle than all the 55. Chapter ii -- The character of Mrs Western. Her great learning and 56. Chapter v -- In which is related what passed between Sophia and her 57. Chapter vi -- Containing a dialogue between Sophia and Mrs Honour, 58. Chapter vii -- A picture of formal courtship in miniature, as it 59. Chapter xi -- A short chapter; but which contains sufficient matter to 60. Chapter xiii -- The behaviour of Sophia on the present occasion; which 61. Chapter xiv -- A short chapter, containing a short dialogue between 62. Chapter ii -- Containing a conversation which Mr Jones had with 63. Chapter vii -- A strange resolution of Sophia, and a more strange 64. Chapter viii -- Containing scenes of altercation, of no very uncommon 65. Chapter ix -- The wise demeanour of Mr Western in the character of a 66. Chapter x -- Containing several matters, natural enough perhaps, but 67. Chapter xiii -- Containing the great address of the landlady, the 68. Chapter xiv -- A most dreadful chapter indeed; and which few readers 69. Chapter i -- A wonderful long chapter concerning the marvellous; being 70. Chapter iv -- In which is introduced one of the pleasantest barbers 71. Chapter vi -- In which more of the talents of Mr Benjamin will appear, 72. Chapter vii -- Containing better reasons than any which have yet 73. Chapter viii -- Jones arrives at Gloucester, and goes to the Bell; the 74. Chapter ix -- Containing several dialogues between Jones and 75. Chapter x -- In which our travellers meet with a very extraordinary 76. Chapter xi -- In which the Man of the Hill begins to relate his 77. Chapter xv -- A brief history of Europe; and a curious discourse 78. Chapter i -- Of those who lawfully may, and of those who may not, 79. Chapter ii -- Containing a very surprizing adventure indeed, which Mr 80. Chapter iii -- The arrival of Mr Jones with his lady at the inn; with 81. Chapter iv -- In which the arrival of a man of war puts a final end to 82. Chapter v -- An apology for all heroes who have good stomachs, with a 83. Chapter vi -- A friendly conversation in the kitchen, which had a very 84. Chapter vii -- Containing a fuller account of Mrs Waters, and by what 85. Chapter i -- Containing instructions very necessary to be perused by 86. Chapter ii -- Containing the arrival of an Irish gentleman, with very 87. Chapter iii -- A dialogue between the landlady and Susan the 88. Chapter iv -- Containing infallible nostrums for procuring universal 89. Chapter v -- Showing who the amiable lady, and her unamiable maid, 90. Chapter vi -- Containing, among other things, the ingenuity of 91. Chapter vii -- In which are concluded the adventures that happened at 92. Chapter ii -- The adventures which Sophia met with after her leaving 93. Chapter iii -- A very short chapter, in which however is a sun, a 94. Chapter vi -- In which the mistake of the landlord throws Sophia into 95. Chapter viii -- A dreadful alarm in the inn, with the arrival of an 96. Chapter ix -- The morning introduced in some pretty writing. A 97. Chapter x -- Containing a hint or two concerning virtue, and a few 98. Chapter i -- Showing what is to be deemed plagiarism in a modern 99. Chapter ii -- In which, though the squire doth not find his daughter, 100. Chapter iii -- The departure of Jones from Upton, with what passed 101. Chapter v -- Containing more adventures which Mr Jones and his 102. Chapter vi -- From which it may be inferred that the best things are 103. Chapter vii -- Containing a remark or two of our own and many more of 104. Chapter viii -- In which fortune seems to have been in a better humour 105. Chapter xi -- The disasters which befel Jones on his departure for 106. Chapter xii -- Relates that Mr Jones continued his journey, contrary 107. Chapter xiv -- What happened to Mr Jones in his journey from St 108. Chapter iii -- A project of Mrs Fitzpatrick, and her visit to Lady 109. Chapter v -- An adventure which happened to Mr Jones at his lodgings, 110. Chapter vi -- What arrived while the company were at breakfast, with 111. Chapter viii -- Containing a scene of distress, which will appear very 112. Chapter ix -- Which treats of matters of a very different kind from 113. Chapter x -- A chapter which, though short, may draw tears from some 114. Chapter i -- An essay to prove that an author will write the better 115. Chapter ii -- Containing letters and other matters which attend 116. Chapter iv -- Which we hope will be very attentively perused by young 117. Chapter vi -- Containing a scene which we doubt not will affect all 118. Chapter viii -- What passed between Jones and old Mr Nightingale; with 119. Chapter iv -- By which it will appear how dangerous an advocate a lady 120. Chapter v -- Containing some matters which may affect, and others 121. Chapter x -- Consisting partly of facts, and partly of observations 122. Chapter ii -- A whimsical adventure which befel the squire, with the 123. Chapter v -- In which Jones receives a letter from Sophia, and goes to 124. Chapter vii -- In which Mr Western pays a visit to his sister, in 125. Chapter iii -- The arrival of Mr Western, with some matters concerning 126. Chapter iii -- Allworthy visits old Nightingale; with a strange 127. Chapter xii -- Approaching still nearer to the end. 128. BOOK I. 129. Chapter i. 130. Chapter ii. 131. Chapter iii. 132. Chapter iv. 133. Chapter v. 134. Chapter vi. 135. Chapter vii. 136. Chapter viii. 137. Chapter ix. 138. Chapter x. 139. Chapter xi. 140. Chapter xii. 141. Chapter xiii. 142. BOOK II. 143. Chapter i. 144. Chapter ii. 145. Chapter iii. 146. Chapter iv. 147. Chapter v. 148. Chapter vi. 149. Chapter vii. 150. Chapter viii. 151. Chapter ix. 152. BOOK III. 153. Chapter i. 154. Chapter ii. 155. Chapter iii. 156. Chapter iv. 157. Chapter v. 158. Chapter vi. 159. Chapter vii. 160. Chapter viii. 161. Chapter ix. 162. Chapter x. 163. BOOK IV. 164. Chapter i. 165. Chapter ii. 166. Chapter iii. 167. Chapter iv. 168. Chapter v. 169. Chapter vi. 170. Chapter vii. 171. Chapter viii. 172. Chapter ix. 173. Chapter x. 174. Chapter xi. 175. Chapter xii. 176. Chapter xiii. 177. Chapter xiv. 178. BOOK V. 179. Chapter i. 180. Chapter ii. 181. Chapter iii. 182. Chapter iv. 183. Chapter v. 184. Chapter vi. 185. Chapter vii. 186. Chapter viii. 187. Chapter ix. 188. Chapter x. 189. Chapter xi. 190. Chapter xii. 191. BOOK VI. 192. Chapter i. 193. Chapter ii. 194. Chapter iii. 195. Chapter iv. 196. Chapter v. 197. Chapter vi. 198. Chapter vii. 199. Chapter viii. 200. Chapter ix. 201. Chapter x. 202. Chapter xi. 203. Chapter xii. 204. Chapter xiii. 205. Chapter xiv. 206. BOOK VII. 207. Chapter i. 208. Chapter ii. 209. Chapter iii. 210. Chapter iv. 211. Chapter v. 212. Chapter vi. 213. Chapter vii. 214. Chapter viii. 215. Chapter ix. 216. Chapter x. 217. Chapter xi. 218. Chapter xii. 219. Chapter xiii. 220. Chapter xiv. 221. Chapter xv. 222. BOOK VIII. 223. Chapter i. 224. Chapter ii. 225. Chapter iii. 226. Chapter iv. 227. Chapter v. 228. Chapter vi. 229. Chapter vii. 230. Chapter viii. 231. Chapter ix. 232. Chapter x. 233. Chapter xi. 234. 1657. My father was one of those whom they call gentlemen farmers. He 235. Chapter xii. 236. Chapter xiii. 237. Chapter xiv. 238. Chapter xv. 239. BOOK IX. 240. Chapter i. 241. Chapter ii. 242. Chapter iii. 243. Chapter iv. 244. Chapter v. 245. Chapter vi. 246. Chapter vii. 247. BOOK X. 248. Chapter i. 249. Chapter ii. 250. Chapter iii. 251. Chapter iv. 252. Chapter v. 253. Chapter vi. 254. Chapter vii. 255. Chapter viii. 256. Chapter ix. 257. BOOK XI. 258. Chapter i. 259. Chapter ii. 260. Chapter iii. 261. Chapter iv. 262. Chapter v. 263. Chapter vi. 264. Chapter vii. 265. Chapter viii. 266. Chapter ix. 267. Chapter x. 268. BOOK XII. 269. Chapter i. 270. Chapter ii. 271. Chapter iii. 272. Chapter iv. 273. Chapter v. 274. Chapter vi. 275. Chapter vii. 276. Chapter viii. 277. Chapter ix. 278. Chapter x. 279. Chapter xi. 280. Chapter xii. 281. Chapter xiii. 282. Chapter xiv. 283. BOOK XIII. 284. Chapter i. 285. Chapter ii. 286. Chapter iii. 287. Chapter iv. 288. Chapter v. 289. Chapter vi. 290. Chapter vii. 291. Chapter viii. 292. Chapter ix. 293. Chapter x. 294. Chapter xi. 295. Chapter xii. 296. BOOK XIV. 297. Chapter i. 298. Chapter ii. 299. Chapter iii. 300. introduction, began the following speech:--“I am very sorry, sir, to 301. Chapter iv. 302. Chapter v. 303. Chapter vi. 304. Chapter vii. 305. Chapter viii. 306. Chapter ix. 307. Chapter x. 308. BOOK XV. 309. Chapter i. 310. Chapter ii. 311. Chapter iii. 312. Chapter iv. 313. Chapter v. 314. Chapter vi. 315. Chapter vii. 316. Chapter viii. 317. Chapter ix. 318. Chapter x. 319. Chapter xi. 320. Chapter xii. 321. BOOK XVI. 322. Chapter i. 323. Chapter ii. 324. Chapter iii. 325. Chapter iv. 326. Chapter v. 327. Chapter vi. 328. Chapter vii. 329. Chapter viii. 330. Chapter ix. 331. Chapter x. 332. BOOK XVII. 333. Chapter i. 334. Chapter ii. 335. Chapter iii. 336. Chapter iv. 337. Chapter v. 338. Chapter vi. 339. Chapter vii. 340. Chapter viii. 341. Chapter ix. 342. BOOK XVIII. 343. Chapter i. 344. Chapter ii. 345. Chapter iii. 346. Chapter iv. 347. Chapter v. 348. Chapter vi. 349. Chapter vii. 350. Chapter viii. 351. Chapter ix. 352. Chapter x. 353. Chapter xi. 354. Chapter xii.

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