Life on the Mississippi by Mark Twain

Chapter 98

1326 words  |  Chapter 98

The Disposal of a Bonanza 'SUCH was Ritter's narrative,' said I to my two friends. There was a profound and impressive silence, which lasted a considerable time; then both men broke into a fusillade of exciting and admiring ejaculations over the strange incidents of the tale; and this, along with a rattling fire of questions, was kept up until all hands were about out of breath. Then my friends began to cool down, and draw off, under shelter of occasional volleys, into silence and abysmal reverie. For ten minutes now, there was stillness. Then Rogers said dreamily-- 'Ten thousand dollars.' Adding, after a considerable pause-- 'Ten thousand. It is a heap of money.' Presently the poet inquired-- 'Are you going to send it to him right away?' 'Yes,' I said. 'It is a queer question.' No reply. After a little, Rogers asked, hesitatingly: '_All _of it?--That is--I mean--' 'Certainly, all of it.' I was going to say more, but stopped--was stopped by a train of thought which started up in me. Thompson spoke, but my mind was absent, and I did not catch what he said. But I heard Rogers answer-- 'Yes, it seems so to me. It ought to be quite sufficient; for I don't see that he has done anything.' Presently the poet said-- 'When you come to look at it, it is more than sufficient. Just look at it--five thousand dollars! Why, he couldn't spend it in a lifetime! And it would injure him, too; perhaps ruin him--you want to look at that. In a little while he would throw his last away, shut up his shop, maybe take to drinking, maltreat his motherless children, drift into other evil courses, go steadily from bad to worse--' 'Yes, that's it,' interrupted Rogers, fervently, 'I've seen it a hundred times--yes, more than a hundred. You put money into the hands of a man like that, if you want to destroy him, that's all; just put money into his hands, it's all you've got to do; and if it don't pull him down, and take all the usefulness out of him, and all the self-respect and everything, then I don't know human nature--ain't that so, Thompson? And even if we were to give him a _third _of it; why, in less than six months--' 'Less than six _weeks_, you'd better say!' said I, warming up and breaking in. 'Unless he had that three thousand dollars in safe hands where he couldn't touch it, he would no more last you six weeks than--' 'Of _course _he wouldn't,' said Thompson; 'I've edited books for that kind of people; and the moment they get their hands on the royalty--maybe it's three thousand, maybe it's two thousand--' 'What business has that shoemaker with two thousand dollars, I should like to know?' broke in Rogers, earnestly. 'A man perhaps perfectly contented now, there in Mannheim, surrounded by his own class, eating his bread with the appetite which laborious industry alone can give, enjoying his humble life, honest, upright, pure in heart; and _blest_!--yes, I say blest! blest above all the myriads that go in silk attire and walk the empty artificial round of social folly--but just you put that temptation before him once! just you lay fifteen hundred dollars before a man like that, and say--' 'Fifteen hundred devils!' cried I, '_five _hundred would rot his principles, paralyze his industry, drag him to the rumshop, thence to the gutter, thence to the almshouse, thence to----' '_Why _put upon ourselves this crime, gentlemen?' interrupted the poet earnestly and appealingly. 'He is happy where he is, and _as _he is. Every sentiment of honor, every sentiment of charity, every sentiment of high and sacred benevolence warns us, beseeches us, commands us to leave him undisturbed. That is real friendship, that is true friendship. We could follow other courses that would be more showy; but none that would be so truly kind and wise, depend upon it.' After some further talk, it became evident that each of us, down in his heart, felt some misgivings over this settlement of the matter. It was manifest that we all felt that we ought to send the poor shoemaker _something_. There was long and thoughtful discussion of this point; and we finally decided to send him a chromo. Well, now that everything seemed to be arranged satisfactorily to everybody concerned, a new trouble broke out: it transpired that these two men were expecting to share equally in the money with me. That was not my idea. I said that if they got half of it between them they might consider themselves lucky. Rogers said-- 'Who would have had _any _if it hadn't been for me? I flung out the first hint--but for that it would all have gone to the shoemaker.' Thompson said that he was thinking of the thing himself at the very moment that Rogers had originally spoken. I retorted that the idea would have occurred to me plenty soon enough, and without anybody's help. I was slow about thinking, maybe, but I was sure. This matter warmed up into a quarrel; then into a fight; and each man got pretty badly battered. As soon as I had got myself mended up after a fashion, I ascended to the hurricane deck in a pretty sour humor. I found Captain McCord there, and said, as pleasantly as my humor would permit-- 'I have come to say good-bye, captain. I wish to go ashore at Napoleon.' 'Go ashore where?' 'Napoleon.' The captain laughed; but seeing that I was not in a jovial mood, stopped that and said-- 'But are you serious?' 'Serious? I certainly am.' The captain glanced up at the pilot-house and said-- 'He wants to get off at Napoleon!' 'Napoleon?' 'That's what he says.' 'Great Caesar's ghost!' Uncle Mumford approached along the deck. The captain said-- 'Uncle, here's a friend of yours wants to get off at Napoleon!' 'Well, by--?' I said-- 'Come, what is all this about? Can't a man go ashore at Napoleon if he wants to?' 'Why, hang it, don't you know? There _isn't_ any Napoleon any more. Hasn't been for years and years. The Arkansas River burst through it, tore it all to rags, and emptied it into the Mississippi!' 'Carried the _whole _town away?-banks, churches, jails, newspaper-offices, court-house, theater, fire department, livery stable _everything _?' 'Everything. just a fifteen-minute job.' or such a matter. Didn't leave hide nor hair, shred nor shingle of it, except the fag-end of a shanty and one brick chimney. This boat is paddling along right now, where the dead-center of that town used to be; yonder is the brick chimney-all that's left of Napoleon. These dense woods on the right used to be a mile back of the town. Take a look behind you--up-stream--now you begin to recognize this country, don't you?' 'Yes, I do recognize it now. It is the most wonderful thing I ever heard of; by a long shot the most wonderful--and unexpected.' Mr. Thompson and Mr. Rogers had arrived, meantime, with satchels and umbrellas, and had silently listened to the captain's news. Thompson put a half-dollar in my hand and said softly-- 'For my share of the chromo.' Rogers followed suit. Yes, it was an astonishing thing to see the Mississippi rolling between unpeopled shores and straight over the spot where I used to see a good big self-complacent town twenty years ago. Town that was county-seat of a great and important county; town with a big United States marine hospital; town of innumerable fights--an inquest every day; town where I had used to know the prettiest girl, and the most accomplished in the whole Mississippi Valley; town where we were handed the first printed news of the 'Pennsylvania's' mournful disaster a quarter of a century ago; a town no more--swallowed up, vanished, gone to feed the fishes; nothing left but a fragment of a shanty and a crumbling brick chimney!

Chapters

1. Chapter 1 2. CHAPTER I. The Mississippi is Well worth Reading about.--It is 3. CHAPTER II. La Salle again Appears, and so does a Cat-fish.--Buffaloes 4. CHAPTER III. A little History.--Early Commerce.--Coal Fleets and Timber 5. CHAPTER IV. The Boys' Ambition.--Village Scenes.--Steamboat Pictures. 6. CHAPTER VI. Besieging the Pilot.--Taken along.--Spoiling a Nap.--Fishing 7. CHAPTER VII. River Inspectors.--Cottonwoods and Plum Point.--Hat-Island 8. CHAPTER VIII. A Heavy-loaded Big Gun.--Sharp Sights in 9. CHAPTER IX. Shake the Reef.--Reason Dethroned.--The Face of the Water. 10. CHAPTER X. Putting on Airs.--Taken down a bit.--Learn it as it is.--The 11. CHAPTER XI. In thg Tract Business.--Effects of the Rise.--Plantations 12. CHAPTER XII. Low Water.--Yawl sounding.--Buoys and Lanterns.--Cubs and 13. CHAPTER XIII. A Pilot's Memory.--Wages soaring.--A Universal 14. CHAPTER XIV. Pilots and Captains.--High-priced Pilots.--Pilots in 15. CHAPTER XV. New Pilots undermining the Pilots' Association.--Crutches 16. CHAPTER XVI. All Aboard.--A Glorious Start.--Loaded to Win.--Bands and 17. CHAPTER XVII. Cut-offs.--Ditching and Shooting.--Mississippi Changes.--A 18. CHAPTER XVIII. Sharp Schooling.--Shadows.--I am Inspected.--Where did 19. CHAPTER XIX. A Question of Veracity.--A Little Unpleasantness.--I have 20. CHAPTER XX. I become a Passenger.--We hear the News.--A Thunderous 21. CHAPTER XXI. I get my License.--The War Begins.--I become a 22. CHAPTER XXII. I try the Alias Business.--Region of Goatees--Boots begin 23. CHAPTER XXIII. Old French Settlements.--We start for Memphis.--Young 24. CHAPTER XXIV. I receive some Information.--Alligator Boats.--Alligator 25. CHAPTER XXV. The Devil's Oven and Table.--A Bombshell falls.--No 26. CHAPTER XXVI. War Talk.--I Tilt over Backwards.--Fifteen Shot-holes.--A 27. CHAPTER XXVII. Tourists and their Note-books.--Captain Hall.--Mrs. 28. CHAPTER XXVIII. Swinging down the River.--Named for Me.--Plum Point 29. CHAPTER XXIX. Murel's Gang.--A Consummate Villain.--Getting Rid of 30. CHAPTER XXX. A Melancholy Picture.--On the Move.--River Gossip.--She 31. CHAPTER XXXI. Mutinous Language.--The Dead-house.--Cast-iron German and 32. CHAPTER XXXII. Ritter's Narrative.--A Question of 33. CHAPTER XXXIII. A Question of Division.--A Place where there was 34. CHAPTER XXXIV. An Austere Man.--A Mosquito Policy.--Facts dressed in 35. CHAPTER XXXV. Signs and Scars.--Cannon-thunder Rages.--Cave-dwellers. 36. CHAPTER XXXVI. The Professor Spins a Yarn.--An Enthusiast in Cattle.--He 37. CHAPTER XXXVII. A Terrible Disaster.--The “Gold Dust” explodes her 38. CHAPTER XXXVIII. Mr. Dickens has a Word.--Best Dwellings and 39. CHAPTER XXXIX. Rowdies and Beauty.--Ice as Jewelry.--Ice 40. CHAPTER XL. In Flowers, like a Bride.--A White-washed Castle.--A 41. CHAPTER XLI. The Approaches to New Orleans.--A Stirring 42. CHAPTER XLII. Beautiful Grave-yards.--Chameleons and 43. CHAPTER XLIII. I meet an Acquaintance.--Coffins and Swell Houses.--Mrs. 44. CHAPTER XLIV. French and Spanish Parts of the City.--Mr. Cable and the 45. CHAPTER XLV. “Waw” Talk.--Cock-Fighting.--Too Much to Bear.--Fine 46. CHAPTER XLVI. Mardi-Gras.--The Mystic Crewe.--Rex and Relics.--Sir 47. CHAPTER XLVII. Uncle Remus.--The Children Disappointed.--We Read Aloud. 48. CHAPTER XLVIII. Tight Curls and Springy Steps.--Steam-plows.--“No. I.” 49. CHAPTER XLIX. Pilot-Farmers.--Working on Shares.--Consequences.--Men who 50. CHAPTER L. A Patriarch.--Leaves from a Diary.--A Tongue-stopper.--The 51. CHAPTER LI. A Fresh “Cub” at the Wheel.--A Valley Storm.--Some Remarks 52. CHAPTER LII. I Collar an Idea.--A Graduate of Harvard.--A Penitent 53. CHAPTER LIII. A Masterly Retreat.--A Town at Rest.--Boyhood's 54. CHAPTER LIV. A Special Judgment.--Celestial Interest.--A Night of 55. CHAPTER LV. A second Generation.--A hundred thousand Tons of Saddles.--A 56. CHAPTER LVI. Perverted History--A Guilty Conscience.--A Supposititious 57. CHAPTER LVII. A Model Town.--A Town that Comes up to Blow in the Summer. 58. CHAPTER LVIII. An Independent Race.--Twenty-four-hour Towns.--Enchanting 59. CHAPTER LIX. Indian Traditions and Rattlesnakes.--A Three-ton 60. CHAPTER LX. The Head of Navigation.--From Roses to Snow.--Climatic 61. Chapter 61 62. Chapter 62 63. Chapter 63 64. Chapter 64 65. Chapter 65 66. Chapter 66 67. Chapter 67 68. Chapter 68 69. Chapter 69 70. Chapter 70 71. Chapter 71 72. Chapter 72 73. Chapter 73 74. Chapter 74 75. Chapter 75 76. Chapter 76 77. Chapter 77 78. Chapter 78 79. Chapter 79 80. Chapter 80 81. Chapter 81 82. Chapter 82 83. Chapter 83 84. Chapter 84 85. Chapter 85 86. Chapter 86 87. Chapter 87 88. Chapter 88 89. 1. Some believed in the Commission's scheme to arbitrarily and 90. 2. Some believed that the Commission's money ought to be spent only on 91. 3. Some believed that the higher you build your levee, the higher the 92. 4. Some believed in the scheme to relieve the river, in flood-time, by 93. 5. Some believed in the scheme of northern lake-reservoirs to replenish 94. Chapter 94 95. Chapter 95 96. Chapter 96 97. introduction of me. The man's eyes opened slowly, and glittered wickedly 98. Chapter 98 99. Chapter 99 100. Chapter 100 101. Chapter 101 102. Chapter 102 103. Chapter 103 104. Chapter 104 105. Chapter 105 106. Chapter 106 107. Chapter 107 108. Chapter 108 109. Chapter 109 110. Chapter 110 111. Chapter 111 112. Chapter 112 113. Chapter 113 114. Chapter 114 115. Chapter 115 116. Chapter 116 117. Chapter 117 118. Chapter 118 119. Chapter 119 120. Chapter 120 121. Chapter 121 122. Chapter 122 123. Chapter 123 124. Chapter 124 125. Chapter 125 126. Chapter 126

Reading Tips

Use arrow keys to navigate

Press 'N' for next chapter

Press 'P' for previous chapter