Life on the Mississippi by Mark Twain

Chapter 64

1634 words  |  Chapter 64

The Boys' Ambition WHEN I was a boy, there was but one permanent ambition among my comrades in our village {footnote [1. Hannibal, Missouri]} on the west bank of the Mississippi River. That was, to be a steamboatman. We had transient ambitions of other sorts, but they were only transient. When a circus came and went, it left us all burning to become clowns; the first negro minstrel show that came to our section left us all suffering to try that kind of life; now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. These ambitions faded out, each in its turn; but the ambition to be a steamboatman always remained. Once a day a cheap, gaudy packet arrived upward from St. Louis, and another downward from Keokuk. Before these events, the day was glorious with expectancy; after them, the day was a dead and empty thing. Not only the boys, but the whole village, felt this. After all these years I can picture that old time to myself now, just as it was then: the white town drowsing in the sunshine of a summer's morning; the streets empty, or pretty nearly so; one or two clerks sitting in front of the Water Street stores, with their splint-bottomed chairs tilted back against the wall, chins on breasts, hats slouched over their faces, asleep--with shingle-shavings enough around to show what broke them down; a sow and a litter of pigs loafing along the sidewalk, doing a good business in watermelon rinds and seeds; two or three lonely little freight piles scattered about the 'levee;' a pile of 'skids' on the slope of the stone-paved wharf, and the fragrant town drunkard asleep in the shadow of them; two or three wood flats at the head of the wharf, but nobody to listen to the peaceful lapping of the wavelets against them; the great Mississippi, the majestic, the magnificent Mississippi, rolling its mile-wide tide along, shining in the sun; the dense forest away on the other side; the 'point' above the town, and the 'point' below, bounding the river-glimpse and turning it into a sort of sea, and withal a very still and brilliant and lonely one. Presently a film of dark smoke appears above one of those remote 'points;' instantly a negro drayman, famous for his quick eye and prodigious voice, lifts up the cry, 'S-t-e-a-m-boat a-comin'!' and the scene changes! The town drunkard stirs, the clerks wake up, a furious clatter of drays follows, every house and store pours out a human contribution, and all in a twinkling the dead town is alive and moving. Drays, carts, men, boys, all go hurrying from many quarters to a common center, the wharf. Assembled there, the people fasten their eyes upon the coming boat as upon a wonder they are seeing for the first time. And the boat _is_ rather a handsome sight, too. She is long and sharp and trim and pretty; she has two tall, fancy-topped chimneys, with a gilded device of some kind swung between them; a fanciful pilot-house, a glass and 'gingerbread', perched on top of the 'texas' deck behind them; the paddle-boxes are gorgeous with a picture or with gilded rays above the boat's name; the boiler deck, the hurricane deck, and the texas deck are fenced and ornamented with clean white railings; there is a flag gallantly flying from the jack-staff; the furnace doors are open and the fires glaring bravely; the upper decks are black with passengers; the captain stands by the big bell, calm, imposing, the envy of all; great volumes of the blackest smoke are rolling and tumbling out of the chimneys--a husbanded grandeur created with a bit of pitch pine just before arriving at a town; the crew are grouped on the forecastle; the broad stage is run far out over the port bow, and an envied deckhand stands picturesquely on the end of it with a coil of rope in his hand; the pent steam is screaming through the gauge-cocks, the captain lifts his hand, a bell rings, the wheels stop; then they turn back, churning the water to foam, and the steamer is at rest. Then such a scramble as there is to get aboard, and to get ashore, and to take in freight and to discharge freight, all at one and the same time; and such a yelling and cursing as the mates facilitate it all with! Ten minutes later the steamer is under way again, with no flag on the jack-staff and no black smoke issuing from the chimneys. After ten more minutes the town is dead again, and the town drunkard asleep by the skids once more. My father was a justice of the peace, and I supposed he possessed the power of life and death over all men and could hang anybody that offended him. This was distinction enough for me as a general thing; but the desire to be a steamboatman kept intruding, nevertheless. I first wanted to be a cabin-boy, so that I could come out with a white apron on and shake a tablecloth over the side, where all my old comrades could see me; later I thought I would rather be the deckhand who stood on the end of the stage-plank with the coil of rope in his hand, because he was particularly conspicuous. But these were only day-dreams,--they were too heavenly to be contemplated as real possibilities. By and by one of our boys went away. He was not heard of for a long time. At last he turned up as apprentice engineer or 'striker' on a steamboat. This thing shook the bottom out of all my Sunday-school teachings. That boy had been notoriously worldly, and I just the reverse; yet he was exalted to this eminence, and I left in obscurity and misery. There was nothing generous about this fellow in his greatness. He would always manage to have a rusty bolt to scrub while his boat tarried at our town, and he would sit on the inside guard and scrub it, where we could all see him and envy him and loathe him. And whenever his boat was laid up he would come home and swell around the town in his blackest and greasiest clothes, so that nobody could help remembering that he was a steamboatman; and he used all sorts of steamboat technicalities in his talk, as if he were so used to them that he forgot common people could not understand them. He would speak of the 'labboard' side of a horse in an easy, natural way that would make one wish he was dead. And he was always talking about 'St. Looy' like an old citizen; he would refer casually to occasions when he 'was coming down Fourth Street,' or when he was 'passing by the Planter's House,' or when there was a fire and he took a turn on the brakes of 'the old Big Missouri;' and then he would go on and lie about how many towns the size of ours were burned down there that day. Two or three of the boys had long been persons of consideration among us because they had been to St. Louis once and had a vague general knowledge of its wonders, but the day of their glory was over now. They lapsed into a humble silence, and learned to disappear when the ruthless 'cub'-engineer approached. This fellow had money, too, and hair oil. Also an ignorant silver watch and a showy brass watch chain. He wore a leather belt and used no suspenders. If ever a youth was cordially admired and hated by his comrades, this one was. No girl could withstand his charms. He 'cut out' every boy in the village. When his boat blew up at last, it diffused a tranquil contentment among us such as we had not known for months. But when he came home the next week, alive, renowned, and appeared in church all battered up and bandaged, a shining hero, stared at and wondered over by everybody, it seemed to us that the partiality of Providence for an undeserving reptile had reached a point where it was open to criticism. This creature's career could produce but one result, and it speedily followed. Boy after boy managed to get on the river. The minister's son became an engineer. The doctor's and the post-master's sons became 'mud clerks;' the wholesale liquor dealer's son became a barkeeper on a boat; four sons of the chief merchant, and two sons of the county judge, became pilots. Pilot was the grandest position of all. The pilot, even in those days of trivial wages, had a princely salary--from a hundred and fifty to two hundred and fifty dollars a month, and no board to pay. Two months of his wages would pay a preacher's salary for a year. Now some of us were left disconsolate. We could not get on the river--at least our parents would not let us. So by and by I ran away. I said I never would come home again till I was a pilot and could come in glory. But somehow I could not manage it. I went meekly aboard a few of the boats that lay packed together like sardines at the long St. Louis wharf, and very humbly inquired for the pilots, but got only a cold shoulder and short words from mates and clerks. I had to make the best of this sort of treatment for the time being, but I had comforting daydreams of a future when I should be a great and honored pilot, with plenty of money, and could kill some of these mates and clerks and pay for them.

Chapters

1. Chapter 1 2. CHAPTER I. The Mississippi is Well worth Reading about.--It is 3. CHAPTER II. La Salle again Appears, and so does a Cat-fish.--Buffaloes 4. CHAPTER III. A little History.--Early Commerce.--Coal Fleets and Timber 5. CHAPTER IV. The Boys' Ambition.--Village Scenes.--Steamboat Pictures. 6. CHAPTER VI. Besieging the Pilot.--Taken along.--Spoiling a Nap.--Fishing 7. CHAPTER VII. River Inspectors.--Cottonwoods and Plum Point.--Hat-Island 8. CHAPTER VIII. A Heavy-loaded Big Gun.--Sharp Sights in 9. CHAPTER IX. Shake the Reef.--Reason Dethroned.--The Face of the Water. 10. CHAPTER X. Putting on Airs.--Taken down a bit.--Learn it as it is.--The 11. CHAPTER XI. In thg Tract Business.--Effects of the Rise.--Plantations 12. CHAPTER XII. Low Water.--Yawl sounding.--Buoys and Lanterns.--Cubs and 13. CHAPTER XIII. A Pilot's Memory.--Wages soaring.--A Universal 14. CHAPTER XIV. Pilots and Captains.--High-priced Pilots.--Pilots in 15. CHAPTER XV. New Pilots undermining the Pilots' Association.--Crutches 16. CHAPTER XVI. All Aboard.--A Glorious Start.--Loaded to Win.--Bands and 17. CHAPTER XVII. Cut-offs.--Ditching and Shooting.--Mississippi Changes.--A 18. CHAPTER XVIII. Sharp Schooling.--Shadows.--I am Inspected.--Where did 19. CHAPTER XIX. A Question of Veracity.--A Little Unpleasantness.--I have 20. CHAPTER XX. I become a Passenger.--We hear the News.--A Thunderous 21. CHAPTER XXI. I get my License.--The War Begins.--I become a 22. CHAPTER XXII. I try the Alias Business.--Region of Goatees--Boots begin 23. CHAPTER XXIII. Old French Settlements.--We start for Memphis.--Young 24. CHAPTER XXIV. I receive some Information.--Alligator Boats.--Alligator 25. CHAPTER XXV. The Devil's Oven and Table.--A Bombshell falls.--No 26. CHAPTER XXVI. War Talk.--I Tilt over Backwards.--Fifteen Shot-holes.--A 27. CHAPTER XXVII. Tourists and their Note-books.--Captain Hall.--Mrs. 28. CHAPTER XXVIII. Swinging down the River.--Named for Me.--Plum Point 29. CHAPTER XXIX. Murel's Gang.--A Consummate Villain.--Getting Rid of 30. CHAPTER XXX. A Melancholy Picture.--On the Move.--River Gossip.--She 31. CHAPTER XXXI. Mutinous Language.--The Dead-house.--Cast-iron German and 32. CHAPTER XXXII. Ritter's Narrative.--A Question of 33. CHAPTER XXXIII. A Question of Division.--A Place where there was 34. CHAPTER XXXIV. An Austere Man.--A Mosquito Policy.--Facts dressed in 35. CHAPTER XXXV. Signs and Scars.--Cannon-thunder Rages.--Cave-dwellers. 36. CHAPTER XXXVI. The Professor Spins a Yarn.--An Enthusiast in Cattle.--He 37. CHAPTER XXXVII. A Terrible Disaster.--The “Gold Dust” explodes her 38. CHAPTER XXXVIII. Mr. Dickens has a Word.--Best Dwellings and 39. CHAPTER XXXIX. Rowdies and Beauty.--Ice as Jewelry.--Ice 40. CHAPTER XL. In Flowers, like a Bride.--A White-washed Castle.--A 41. CHAPTER XLI. The Approaches to New Orleans.--A Stirring 42. CHAPTER XLII. Beautiful Grave-yards.--Chameleons and 43. CHAPTER XLIII. I meet an Acquaintance.--Coffins and Swell Houses.--Mrs. 44. CHAPTER XLIV. French and Spanish Parts of the City.--Mr. Cable and the 45. CHAPTER XLV. “Waw” Talk.--Cock-Fighting.--Too Much to Bear.--Fine 46. CHAPTER XLVI. Mardi-Gras.--The Mystic Crewe.--Rex and Relics.--Sir 47. CHAPTER XLVII. Uncle Remus.--The Children Disappointed.--We Read Aloud. 48. CHAPTER XLVIII. Tight Curls and Springy Steps.--Steam-plows.--“No. I.” 49. CHAPTER XLIX. Pilot-Farmers.--Working on Shares.--Consequences.--Men who 50. CHAPTER L. A Patriarch.--Leaves from a Diary.--A Tongue-stopper.--The 51. CHAPTER LI. A Fresh “Cub” at the Wheel.--A Valley Storm.--Some Remarks 52. CHAPTER LII. I Collar an Idea.--A Graduate of Harvard.--A Penitent 53. CHAPTER LIII. A Masterly Retreat.--A Town at Rest.--Boyhood's 54. CHAPTER LIV. A Special Judgment.--Celestial Interest.--A Night of 55. CHAPTER LV. A second Generation.--A hundred thousand Tons of Saddles.--A 56. CHAPTER LVI. Perverted History--A Guilty Conscience.--A Supposititious 57. CHAPTER LVII. A Model Town.--A Town that Comes up to Blow in the Summer. 58. CHAPTER LVIII. An Independent Race.--Twenty-four-hour Towns.--Enchanting 59. CHAPTER LIX. Indian Traditions and Rattlesnakes.--A Three-ton 60. CHAPTER LX. The Head of Navigation.--From Roses to Snow.--Climatic 61. Chapter 61 62. Chapter 62 63. Chapter 63 64. Chapter 64 65. Chapter 65 66. Chapter 66 67. Chapter 67 68. Chapter 68 69. Chapter 69 70. Chapter 70 71. Chapter 71 72. Chapter 72 73. Chapter 73 74. Chapter 74 75. Chapter 75 76. Chapter 76 77. Chapter 77 78. Chapter 78 79. Chapter 79 80. Chapter 80 81. Chapter 81 82. Chapter 82 83. Chapter 83 84. Chapter 84 85. Chapter 85 86. Chapter 86 87. Chapter 87 88. Chapter 88 89. 1. Some believed in the Commission's scheme to arbitrarily and 90. 2. Some believed that the Commission's money ought to be spent only on 91. 3. Some believed that the higher you build your levee, the higher the 92. 4. Some believed in the scheme to relieve the river, in flood-time, by 93. 5. Some believed in the scheme of northern lake-reservoirs to replenish 94. Chapter 94 95. Chapter 95 96. Chapter 96 97. introduction of me. The man's eyes opened slowly, and glittered wickedly 98. Chapter 98 99. Chapter 99 100. Chapter 100 101. Chapter 101 102. Chapter 102 103. Chapter 103 104. Chapter 104 105. Chapter 105 106. Chapter 106 107. Chapter 107 108. Chapter 108 109. Chapter 109 110. Chapter 110 111. Chapter 111 112. Chapter 112 113. Chapter 113 114. Chapter 114 115. Chapter 115 116. Chapter 116 117. Chapter 117 118. Chapter 118 119. Chapter 119 120. Chapter 120 121. Chapter 121 122. Chapter 122 123. Chapter 123 124. Chapter 124 125. Chapter 125 126. Chapter 126

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