The Expedition of Humphry Clinker by T. Smollett
Part 72
2037 words | Chapter 72
uld not parallel. She was
dressed in the stile of 1739; and the day being cold, put on a
manteel of green velvet laced with gold: but this was taken off by the
bridegroom, who threw over her shoulders a fur cloak of American sables,
valued at fourscore guineas, a present equally agreeable and unexpected.
Thus accoutred, she was led up to the altar by Mr Dennison, who did the
office of her father: Lismahago advanced in the military step with
his French coat reaching no farther than the middle of his thigh, his
campaign wig that surpasses all description, and a languishing leer
upon his countenance, in which there seemed to be something arch and
ironical. The ring, which he put upon her finger, he had concealed
till the moment it was used. He now produced it with an air of
self-complacency. It was a curious antique, set with rose diamonds: he
told us afterwards, it had been in the family two hundred years and was
a present from his grand-mother. These circumstances agreeably flattered
the pride of our aunt Tabitha, which had already found uncommon
gratification in the captain’s generosity; for he had, in the morning,
presented my uncle with a fine bear’s skin, and a Spanish fowling-piece,
and me with a case of pistols curiously mounted with silver. At the same
time he gave Mrs Jenkins an Indian purse, made of silk grass, containing
twenty crown pieces. You must know, this young lady, with the assistance
of Mr Loyd, formed the third couple who yesterday sacrificed to Hymen.
I wrote to you in my last, that he had recourse to my mediation, which I
employed successfully with my uncle; but Mrs Tabitha held out ‘till the
love-sick Jenkins had two fits of the mother; then she relented, and
those two cooing turtles were caged for life--Our aunt made an effort of
generosity in furnishing the bride with her superfluities of clothes and
linen, and her example was followed by my sister; nor did Mr Bramble
and I neglect her on this occasion. It was, indeed, a day of
peace-offering.--Mr Dennison insisted upon Liddy’s accepting two bank
notes of one hundred pounds each, as pocket-money; and his lady gave her
a diamond necklace of double that value. There was, besides, a mutual
exchange of tokens among the individuals of the two families thus
happily united.
As George Dennison and his partner were judged improper objects of
mirth, Jack Wilson had resolved to execute some jokes on Lismahago, and
after supper began to ply him with bumpers, when the ladies had retired;
but the captain perceiving his drift, begged for quarter, alledging that
the adventure, in which he had engaged, was a very serious matter; and
that it would be more the part of a good Christian to pray that he
might be strengthened, than to impede his endeavours to finish the
adventure.--He was spared accordingly, and permitted to ascend the
nuptial couch with all his senses about him.--There he and his consort
sat in state, like Saturn and Cybele, while the benediction posset was
drank; and a cake being broken over the head of Mrs Tabitha Lismahago,
the fragments were distributed among the bystanders, according to the
custom of the antient Britons, on the supposition that every person who
eat of this hallowed cake, should that night have a vision of the man or
woman whom Heaven designed should be his or her wedded mate.
The weight of Wilson’s waggery fell upon honest Humphry and his spouse,
who were bedded in an upper room, with the usual ceremony of throwing
the stocking.--This being performed, and the company withdrawn, a sort
of catterwauling ensued, when Jack found means to introduce a real cat
shod with walnut-shells, which galloping along the boards, made such a
dreadful noise as effectually discomposed our lovers.--Winifred screamed
aloud, and shrunk under the bed-cloaths--Mr Loyd, believing that
Satan was come to buffet him in propria persona, laid aside all carnal
thoughts, and began to pray aloud with great fervency.--At length, the
poor animal, being more afraid than either, leaped into the bed, and
meauled with the most piteous exclamation.--Loyd, thus informed of the
nature of the annoyance, rose and set the door wide open, so that this
troublesome visitant retreated with great expedition; then securing
himself, by means of a double bolt, from a second intrusion, he was left
to enjoy his good fortune without further disturbance.
If one may judge from the looks of the parties, they are all very well
satisfied with what has passed--George Dennison and his wife are
too delicate to exhibit any strong marked signs of their mutual
satisfaction, but their eyes are sufficiently expressive--Mrs Tabitha
Lismahago is rather fulsome in signifying her approbation of the
captain’s love; while his deportment is the very pink of gallantry.--He
sighs, and ogles, and languishes at this amiable object; he kisses her
hand, mutters ejaculations of rapture, and sings tender airs; and, no
doubt, laughs internally at her folly in believing him sincere.--In
order to shew how little his vigour was impaired by the fatigues of the
preceding day, he this morning danced a Highland sarabrand over a
naked back-sword, and leaped so high, that I believe he would make no
contemptible figure as a vaulter at Sadler’s Wells.--Mr Matthew Loyd,
when asked how he relished his bargain, throws up his eyes, crying,
‘For what we have received, Lord make us thankful: amen.’--His helpmate
giggles, and holds her hand before her eyes, affecting to be ashamed
of having been in bed with a man.--Thus all these widgeons enjoy the
novelty of their situation; but, perhaps their notes will be changed,
when they are better acquainted with the nature of the decoy.
As Mrs Willis cannot be persuaded to stay, and Liddy is engaged by
promise to accompany her daughter back to Gloucester, I fancy there will
be a general migration from hence, and that most of us will spend the
Christmas holidays at Bath; in which case, I shall certainly find an
opportunity to beat up your quarters.--By this time, I suppose, you
are sick of alma mater, and even ready to execute that scheme of
peregrination, which was last year concerted between you and
Your affectionate J. MELFORD Nov. 8.
To Dr LEWIS.
DEAR DOCTOR,
My niece Liddy is now happily settled for life; and captain Lismahago
has taken Tabby off my hands; so that I have nothing further to do, but
to comfort my friend Baynard, and provide for my son Loyd, who is also
fairly joined to Mrs Winifred Jenkins. You are an excellent genius at
hints.--Dr Arbuthnot was but a type of Dr Lewis in that respect. What
you observe of the vestry-clerk deserves consideration.--I make no
doubt but Matthew Loyd is well enough qualified for the office; but,
at present, you must find room for him in the house.--His incorruptible
honesty and indefatigable care will be serviceable in superintending
the oeconomy of my farm; tho’ I don’t mean that he shall interfere with
Barns, of whom I have no cause to complain.--I am just returned with
Baynard, from a second trip to his house, where every thing is regulated
to his satisfaction.--He could not, however, review the apartments
without tears and lamentation, so that he is not yet in a condition to
be left alone; therefore I will not part with him till the spring, when
he intends to plunge into the avocations of husbandry, which will at
once employ and amuse his attention.--Charles Dennison has promised to
stay with him a fortnight, to set him fairly afloat in his improvements;
and Jack Wilson will see him from time to time; besides, he has a few
friends in the country, whom his new plan of life will not exclude from
his society.--In less than a year, I make no doubt, but he will find
himself perfectly at ease both in his mind and body, for the one had
dangerously affected the other; and I shall enjoy the exquisite pleasure
of seeing my friend rescued from misery and contempt.
Mrs Willis being determined to return with her daughter, in a few
days, to Gloucester, our plan has undergone some alteration. Jery has
persuaded his brother-in-law to carry his wife to Bath; and I believe
his parents will accompany him thither.--For my part, I have no
intention to take that route.--It must be something very extraordinary
that will induce me to revisit either Bath or London.--My sister and her
husband, Baynard and I, will take leave of them at Gloucester, and make
the best of our way to Brambleton hall, where I desire you will prepare
a good chine and turkey for our Christmas dinner.--You must also employ
your medical skill in defending me from the attacks of the gout, that I
may be in good case to receive the rest of our company, who promise
to visit us in their return from the Bath.--As I have laid in a
considerable stock of health, it is to be hoped you will not have much
trouble with me in the way of physic, but I intend to work you on
the side of exercise.--I have got an excellent fowling-piece from Mr
Lismahago, who is a keen sportsman, and we shall take the heath in
all weathers.--That this scheme of life may be prosecuted the more
effectually, I intend to renounce all sedentary amusements, particularly
that of writing long letters; a resolution, which, had I taken it
sooner, might have saved you the trouble which you have lately taken in
reading the tedious epistles of
MATT. BRAMBLE NOV. 20.
To Mrs GWYLLIM, at Brambleton-hall.
GOOD MRS GWYLLIM,
Heaven, for wise porpuses, hath ordained that I should change my name
and citation in life, so that I am not to be considered any more
as manager of my brother’s family; but as I cannot surrender up my
stewardship till I have settled with you and Williams, I desire you will
get your accunts ready for inspection, as we are coming home without
further delay.--My spouse, the captain, being subject to rummaticks, I
beg you will take great care to have the blew chamber, up two pair of
stairs, well warmed for his reception.--Let the sashes be secured, the
crevices stopt, the carpets laid, and the beds well tousled.--Mrs Loyd,
late Jenkins, being married to a relation of the family, cannot remain
in the capacity of a sarvant; therefore, I wish you would cast about for
some creditable body to be with me in her room--If she can spin, and
is mistress of plain-work, so much the better--but she must not expect
extravagant wages--having a family of my own, I must be more occumenical
than ever. No more at present, but rests
Your loving friend, TAB. LISMAHAGO NOV. 20.
To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall.
MRS JONES,
Providinch hath bin pleased to make great halteration in the pasture
of our affairs.--We were yesterday three kiple chined, by the grease of
God, in the holy bands of mattermoney, and I now subscrive myself Loyd
at your sarvice.--All the parish allowed that young ‘squire Dallison and
his bride was a comely pear for to see.--As for madam Lashtniheygo, you
nose her picklearities--her head, to be sure, was fintastical; and her
spouse had rapt her with a long marokin furze cloak from the land of the
selvidges, thof they say it is of immense bally.--The captain himself
had a huge hassock of air, with three tails, and a tum-tawdry coat,
boddered with sulfur.--Wan said he was a monkey-bank; and the ould
bottler swore he was the born imich of Titidall.--For my part, I says
nothing, being as how the captain has done the handsome thing by me.--Mr
Loyd was dressed in a lite frog, and checket with gould binding; and
thof he don’t enter in caparison with great folks of quality, yet he has
got as good blood in his veins as arrow privat ‘squire in the county;
and then his pursing is far from contentible.--Your humble sarvant had
on a plain pea-green tabby sack, with my Runnela cap, ruff toupee, and
side curls.--They said, I was the very moral of lady Rickmanstone, but
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