Rowlandson the Caricaturist; a Selection from His Works. Vol. 2 by Joseph Grego
1815. _The Grand Master, or Adventures of Qui Hi in Hindostan. A
3609 words | Chapter 166
Hudibrastic Poem in eight Cantos by Quiz. Illustrated with twenty-eight
engravings by Rowlandson._ Plates dated October 1, 1815. (Quiz fecit,
Rowlandson sc.) London: Printed by T. Tegg. The intention of this
work seems an attempt to hold up the Governor-General (the Marquis of
Hastings) to opprobrium, but whether deserved or not, Europeans have
small chance of judging.
Frontispiece.--A new Map of India from the latest authority.
The Governor-General (Marquis of Hastings) and his
Council (Imbecility) mounted on an Elephant. Tusks
(marked Monopoly and Ambition) fettered by Restrictions
(Board of Control and House of Commons) &c.
Titlepage.--The End of the Pagoda Tree, and the ultimate fate of
the Viceroy and his Council, &c. &c.
A Scene in the Channel.
The Modern Idol Juggernaut.
Miseries of the First of the Month.
The Burning System Illustrated.
Missionary Influence, or how to make Converts.
An Extraordinary Eclipse.
Labour in vain, or his Reverence Confounded.
Hindoo Prejudices.
John Bull Converting the Indians.
More Incantations, or a Journey to the Interior. (Nepaul War).
Miseries in India. (Insects.)
The Bear and Ragged Staff. (Viceroy and Council as Idols.)
Hindoo Incantations. A View in Elephanta.
[Illustration: HINDOO INCANTATIONS--A VIEW IN ELEPHANTA.]
The Guide declar'd that often here,
Things supernatural appear;
To prove it he produc'd a book,
From which Qui Hi a drawing took,
Of which the modern true translation,
Is simply 'Hindoo Incantation.'
It states that _some one_, years ago,
Had tried futurity to know,
And he employed an old Hindoo,
To get him but a single view
Of future things--and lo! an hour
Was fixed to show the Brahmin's pow'r,
The place appointed was the spot
Where Qui Hi and his friends had got,
Under Great _Brahma's triple head_,
That then struck unbelievers dead.
The Brahmin, when the Ghurry's sound
Told _one_, was with the idol found,
Soliciting he would assert
His power, and infidels convert.
The stranger now approach'd the place,
With terror pictur'd in his face.
'Infidel!' said the Brahmin, 'now
I shall observe my sacred vow.
Come hither, and you'll shortly see
And tremble at _futurity_!'
Seating the man, he now applies
A magic glass before his eyes;
When, lo! the Elephanta shook,
And Brahma thus in thunder spoke--
'Mark, reptile! the decrees of Fate,
Which, _Brahma says_, he will complete:
Till then your destiny await!'
He said, and, with a stroke of thunder,
The sacred temple bursts asunder;
Seizes the caitiff by the hair,
And hurls him headlong thro' the air.
He tumbled down to whence he came,
_Somewhere_ about the Hooghly stream.
Phantasmagoria. A View in Elephanta.
The Modern Phaeton, or the Hooghly in danger.
Qui Hi arrives at the Bunder Head.
Qui Hi in the Bombay Tavern.
Pays a Nocturnal Visit to Dungaree.
Attends General Koir Wig's Levee.
Qui Hi's Introduction and cool Reception.
Qui Hi shows off at the Bobbery Hunt.
Qui Hi at Bobbery Hall.
All alive in the Chokee.
Last Visit from the Doctor's Assistant.
Qui Hi's last March to Padree Burrows's Go Down.
Strange Figures _near_ the Cave of Elephanta, 1814.
_Auspicio Regis, et Senatus Angliæ._
_June 1, 1815._ _Naples and the Campagna Felice, in a series of letters
(by Lewis Engelbach). With Illustrations by Rowlandson, &c._ 8vo.
Published by R. Ackermann, 101 Strand. (Reprinted from Repository of
Arts, 1810-13.)
Frontispiece.--The Colonel (Don Luigi) awakened from a sleeping
_tête-à-tête_ by a serenade from his fair, and lately unconscious,
companion.
Se tanto a me piace
Si rara beltà;
Io perdero la pace,
Quando si sveglerà.
If, while entranced in balmy rest,
His charms can give such pain;
When he awakes, my wounded breast
Will ne'er know peace again.
Don Luigi's baggage seized by four Lazzaroni.
Ancient Greek Paintings from Herculaneum: Ariadne, Bacchante and
Satyr, &c.
Don Luigi meets Donna Anna in the Museum.
Ancient Greek Paintings from Herculaneum: Centaurs, Chiron
teaching Achilles to play the lyre, &c.
Sleeping _tête-à-tête_ at a first visit of Don Luigi.
Don Michele getting up the ship's side.
Don Luigi's Ball.
A Bacchanalian Scene at Don Luigi's Ball.
Don Michele preparing for his Triumphal Expedition.
The Letter Writer, Naples.
_The Letter Writer._--'On our way to the mole we had some difficulty
in passing through a crowd of people, who, with great eagerness, and
with Neapolitan clamour, had assembled round a man, sitting with pen
and ink before a frail table, busily employed in committing to paper
the crude thoughts of a country clown in the attitude of dictating to
him; for the noise was too loud to hear what was going forward. A board
above the head of the engrosser proclaimed his calling: '_Qui si fanno
memoriali, lettere, ed altre scritture, nel ottimo stilo moderno._'
(Here are drawn up memorials, letters, and other writings, in the best
modern style.) Ever eager to seize any opportunity of observing the
manners and national character of a people whom I have every reason to
think better of than some of our superficial magpie-tourists, I pressed
forward to obtain a nearer view of the transactions of this universal
secretary, when my companion, Don Michele, pulling me back by the skirt
of my coat, begged I would not demean myself by thus mixing with the
vulgar.
* * * * *
'The composer of letters was just receiving from an elderly woman
the sum of six _grani_ (about threepence) for an epistle he had
indited to her son at _Bari_; after which a farmer, next in rotation,
was admitted into presence. His business appeared to be on secret
service, for the corresponding oracle politely requested some of the
more curious auditors to step a little aside. At first, indeed, the
farmer's instructions were conveyed in a whisper; but as a Neapolitan
loves dearly to talk as loud as his lungs will let him, and to
accompany his sermocinations with the most expressive gestures, it
soon became less difficult to discover that the subject under present
consideration was a horse which had been sold to a cavalry officer,
and for which a balance was still owing; the prompt payment whereof
was to be peremptorily insisted on by a respectful dun. As soon as a
period was happily brought to paper, it was read over to the listening
clodhopper, who, in a manner, beat time to the emphatic and rhythmical
reading of the professor by periodical nods of the head, and at
the end of the sentence expressed his astonishment at the sagacity
with which his obscure ideas had been caught up and classified.
This literary production, owing probably to the importance of the
subject, was disposed of for the valuable consideration of eight
_grani_ (fourpence), paper included; and its possessor, with inward
satisfaction, left the oracular tripod, in order to make room for a
Turkish captain of a _polacca_, whose literary necessities consisted in
a memorial claiming the restitution of some goods illegally seized....
When the document was ready for signature, _Ibrahim Reis_, who could
neither read nor write, was desired to make his _cross_ at foot, which
he refused with religious abhorrence; but, dipping his little finger
into the inkstand, imprinted on the paper a correct facsimile of the
tortuous furrows of his cuticle by way of signet. To my great surprise,
this state paper was valued at no more than one carlin (fivepence),
although engrossed on a folio page and decorated with some fancifully
flourished initials.
[Illustration: THE LETTER-WRITER.]
'The Turk no sooner discharged his literary debt than a well-dressed
young lass gained his place. (This interview is pictured forth in the
artist's illustration.) The despatch, however, which was to be written
for her, must have been on secret and confidential service, for the
instructions she gave to the engrosser were communicated in so low a
whisper that, from my observatory, the scene appeared one of purely
pantomimical action. When I relate that the time employed by this
universal author in the production of the farmer's dun and the Turk's
memorial did not exceed half an hour, and that the contents, although
somewhat fustian, were very much to the purpose, you will agree with me
that Signor Bucatelli possessed talents far above his station. Indeed,
Don Matteo assured me that he was as good a poet as an epistolary
writer, and that his sonnets on any particular occasion, such as for a
wedding, a birthday, &c., may be obtained on the shortest notice, and
at equally reasonable rates; in short, that he could wield his pen on
any subject whatsoever.
'To a publisher in England a man like Signor Bucatelli would be an
invaluable treasure, a host within himself, by the versatility of
his genius and the despatch of his literary labours: his charges of
_authorship_, as you have seen, are consonant with the modesty of
true genius. His elevated style of writing (truly _nel ottimo stilo
moderno_) would soon render him a most popular author with us. I
was just going to step down to give him the substance of a poetical
epistle as a specimen of his abilities, when a little girl brought
him a small dish of stewed Windsor beans, a large raw cucumber, and a
crust of bread. This frugal fare, and a glass of iced water from the
neighbouring stall, well calculated to preserve his intellectual powers
unclogged, Don Matteo informed me, was the whole of his dinner; which,
together with a cigar by way of dessert, interrupted his official
duties for about half an hour, after which, if matters of pressing
service remained to be despatched, he would resume his quill, and
suspend his _siesta_, or afternoon nap, to a late hour of the day.'
_Don Luigi's Ball._--Before leaving his apartments on the _Infrescata_
the writer was anxious, as a slight return for the kindness of his host
and the hospitalities he had received in Naples, to give a dance to a
few friends of his own and of his entertainer, his host and friend Don
Michele undertaking the entire responsibilities of inviting the guests,
ordering refreshments, decorating the chambers, and other preliminaries.
'"First, as to the company," reports the Don, "there will be ten
couples, besides our family and odd ones, if they all come, of which
there is little doubt; and what is more, _gente di garbo_ (people of
quality), such as you might suppose my friends to be. Three or four
will come in their own carriages; and some of the lasses will show you
what is called dancing at Naples. Care, too, has been taken that they
should not want for good music; you will have, Signor Don Luigi, the
first oboe of St. Carlo, two excellent violins, a flute, tenor, and
violoncel; my son will play the tambarine."
'"Six musicians, Don Michele, for this little dance! Why, that's out of
all reason. Half the number----"
'"Are _hired_; and the others, gentlemen high in the profession, who
for _my_ sake have promised to assist as friends at your party. Money,
of course, is out of the question. You see, good sir, Don Michele
can command a thing or two. As many more would have come if I had
asked them, but these will be sufficient to begin the evening with a
little concert; my friend will give you a concerto on the oboe; one
of the ladies will sing a _scena_ from an opera, to which we may add
a duet or two; and at ten o'clock the dance shall begin. As to the
refreshments, I have almost run my legs off to get you the rum (the
ladies were to be treated with ice punch, as a rarity). Seventy ices
are ordered, cakes and sweetmeats as you desired, and a friend of mine
will lend us a dozen of wall chandeliers." These lights, connected
with festoons of artificial flowers, and a number of pots of flowers
exhaling their fragrance over the rooms, gave the place an elegant
appearance.
[Illustration: DON LUIGI'S BALL.]
'The musicians arrived in good time, and the company dropped in
fast after eight o'clock. To receive such a number of strange faces
appropriately was a most irksome task,' continues the writer; 'but it
was alleviated by the sight of many a good-looking young lass, and two
or three real beauties, and one especially, Donna Carlina. My English
friends from the city, and the lieutenant and doctor from the frigate,
likewise made their appearance in due time; and healthily as their
countenances shone forth, and well-dressed as they were, they greatly
eclipsed my Neapolitan bucks, and found much grace among the ladies. I
could not help remarking the contrast of manners between two Christian
countries. In a more northern latitude, persons coming to the party of
a perfect stranger would have conducted themselves with that cautious,
anti-social reserve which some people call good manners; some of the
ladies would have sat down on their chairs as prim and as stiff as
so many hop-poles, cast down their modest looks until spoken to by
charity, and then rebuffed a second attempt by a monosyllabic reply,
a "Yes, sir," an "Indeed, sir?" a "You are very good, sir," &c. Now I
will just tell you how matters went on in the _Infrescata_. Monstrous
bows and introductory compliments: this over, all these people seemed
as though they had been twenty times in my company.' The Don describes
the improvised introductory concert, at which nearly all the company
assisted, the Neapolitans having a natural taste for melody, and most
of them being fair musicians; the entertainer next gave orders to
prepare for the dance, and to hand refreshments in the interval.
'My punch,' he continues, 'found much favour with all present, the
ladies not excepted, who emptied their glasses as rapidly as if it had
been lemonade. Although not dancing, I was fully employed in another
way. With all our windows open, the strains of my numerous orchestra
propagated their sound over the whole neighbourhood, some of whose
inhabitants, impelled by the attraction of sweet sounds, could not
resist favouring me with their company. The circumstance of their not
being invited to the feast appeared to them a mere trifle not worthy
of their attention; and an extraordinary celerity in decorating their
exterior (which is all the essential part of a Neapolitan's full
dress), would soon enable them to appear in company with Neapolitan
decency. To my great surprise, therefore, Don Michele and I had to
receive, from time to time, an influx of these unbidden guests, who in
most submissive language begged a thousand pardons for their freedom
and intrusion. As Don Michele, my master of the ceremonies, seemed to
know them all, and, moreover, as I could neither help their coming,
nor, when once arrived, turn them out, I thought it best to put a good
face on the matter, and receive every one, especially the ladies, with
a hearty welcome (as pictured forth in the plate), assigning them
places in the adjoining room, where I contrived to form another set of
dances; for the number of these parasitical guests soon grew nearly
equal to that of my standard company. As my company were now capering
away in two of my apartments, I blush to confess that my resolution
to keep my toes in a state of quiet quiescence was shaken at last. I
could have withstood the pressing solicitations of half-a-dozen of
these exhilarated damsels, but for the irresistible temptation of their
animated example, and of the excellent music. Fancy the loving smiles,
the glistening eyes, the seducing attitudes of these pretty Neapolitan
bacchantes, and then ask your conscience how long any Christian, were
he even a Quaker or Moravian, could have stood proof against such
attraction? The worst of the thing was, that having once broken my
vow by dancing with Miss Carlina, a kind of rivalry ensued among the
other ladies, most of whom now laid a successive claim to be led down a
country dance by _il Signor Colonello_.
'In the course of these pedestrian evolutions I thought I observed
in several of my fair partners, cheerful as they had been before,
an unusual and extraordinary access of spirits and gaiety; which,
with every allowance for the southern latitude and the ice punch (now
administered to them the more frugally by reason of the unlooked-for
increase in my numbers), I was at a loss to account for, till I saw
my man Benedetto whisper something into Don Michele's ear, which the
latter telegraphed into mine.
'But before I let you into this secret it is proper that, like a
skilful general, I should in my report give a correct description of
the localities of the field of battle. The kitchen belonging to my
apartments is on the same floor with them, and in this particular the
Neapolitan system of domestic architecture is not different from what
you may have observed in a set of chambers, or in many old-fashioned
mansions in England. Right opposite to the entrance of this kitchen
of mine there is an elevated shelf, on which stand (I had better
say _stood_) my three wine-bottles, of immense calibre; the first
(having been emptied since my stay in the _Infrescata_) then, and now,
containing from six to eight gallons of excellent atmospheric air (such
as you breathe at this altitude); the second, of similar dimensions,
about half full of delicious old _Pozzuoli_ wine; and the third,
not less in size, brim-full of the like grape-juice, with its fluid
oil-bung floating at the top.
'No sooner did one of the damsels espy the forbidden shelf than the
assault thereon was a settled matter: _veni, vidi, bibi_, was the
word; and my delicious _Pozzuoli_ wine fell an easy prey to their
sacrilegious hands and palate. _Implentur veteris Bacchi_, or, in plain
English, mesdames tippled till they had their fill, and what they left
was very nearly finished by four or five half-starved footmen and
other hall rabble in attendance on their worthy masters; for when Don
Michele went into the kitchen he found but a small remnant in one of
the bottles, which he secured in his own room.
'Inspired with the juice and further excited by the agitation of
dancing, most of my fair guests became still more exhilarated; some
grew ecstatically merry, and a few scarcely manageable. Surrounded
by these voluptuous "bacchæ," I feared the fate of Orpheus. Their
frolics, however, I must say to their credit, were chiefly levelled
at Don Michele, probably because he had spoiled the continuation of
their sport. The poor man had now to suffer all sorts of mischief for
refusing to join in their revels, till at last, for the sake of peace,
he consented to dance _one_ minuet, and no more. All was hushed in
an instant, when he placed himself with his fortunate partner in the
middle of the room, as stiff as buckram and as serious as if he were
occupied with the solution of an algebraic problem. But no sooner had
he performed the first step or two, than, in turning his body with
grave elegance on the pivot of his toe, a pair of white silk garters
were seen gracefully dangling down his back, and describing, at every
turn of his automaton body, a variety of flowing irregular curves
in the circumambient air. The merriment which this unusual sight
occasioned, was in vain attempted to be stifled in a muttered titter;
it soon burst out with increased violence, his wife not excepted,
who heartily joined the general laugh, but informed her better half
of the cause of the satisfaction he gave the company. When I learned
the extent of the spoliation committed upon my bin, I did not so
much regret the actual loss I thereby sustained, as apprehend some
unpleasant scenes of interruption to our festivity and mirth from the
excessive indulgence in the forbidden juice. However, whether it was
owing to the excellence of the vintage, or to strength of constitution
in the fair partakers, only one casualty occurred.
'The dawn of morn was the signal for the gradual separation of the
company, from all of whom, whether of the establishment or extra
guests, I had received in the course of the evening the most pressing
requests to make their house my own; and to their credit I must say
that, as far as I have yet had time or inclination to try the sincerity
of their invitations, I have had no cause to regret my complaisance.
'When I relate that five leaden ice-moulds and eight of the
confectioner's pewter spoons were missing, you will scarcely suppose
that any of the good things, such as cakes, sweetmeats, &c., were
suffered to remain on the sideboard at the departure of my guests.
Whether this practice not to "leave a wreck behind" is as general
here as in Malta, I am unable to decide. At the latter place, let the
provision be ever so abundant, what the stomach cannot compass the
pockets are sure to hold, and in stuffing those no great nicety is
observed; so the article is portable at all, it finds its way into one
or the other of the pedestrian saddle-bags as by instinct. I have been
assured by one of our officers that, at a great fête which General Fox
recently gave at Malta, one of the inhabitants (of sufficient rank to
be of the party) very dexterously, and, as he fancied, unobserved,
slipped a small pullet, wrapt in his pocket-handkerchief, into one of
his side receptacles. Unfortunately, an officer near him, seeing the
sleight-of-hand transaction, poured a dose of parsley and butter after
it, saying very coolly, "Allow me, sir, to help you to a little sauce
at the same time."'
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